It's nice to know...

That I'm not weeping alone..
That I'm not fighting alone...

It's nice to feel needed.
Nice to see that I can bring the sunshine into one's life.

It's nice to know that
people do care.
People do want to change.
And be changed.

It's nice to have someone to laugh with.
Even when they are thousands of million miles away.

A smile across the world,
Means just as much as a smile next door.
It's nice.

But...so forgotten.
So abandoned.


Cabbage Wabbage

Mysteries of Life

Hilarious.
Sometimes, you can't help but to look back in life, and notice how sequential your life has been.
The people you've met, the friends you've lost, the lover you once had, the late nights you've invested on meaningless homework and projects, the fights and arguments you've had with your family, "bumping" into a high school friend who you haven't seen, the courses that you thought were mistakes to sign up for...

Before you know it, your memory keeps rewinding, retracting you from the present moment.
You begin to realize how much you remember, and how much you don't remember.
Which one is the true memory, and do the stories you remember coincide with the stories that others remember?
Or are you just remembering what you want to remember?

Who were you when you were five?
Would you be able to recognize the thought process of a nine year old Evelyn?

How about the dark and evil thoughts that you've had throughout your life?
Will you be able to stand watching a movie or listening to a recording of every single thoughts that ran in your head throughout your life?

...Such mysteries. So many unanswerable questions. Will they ever be answered? Does it even matter to answer these questions?

Such mysteries.

Cabbage Wabbage

The depths of the depth..

It is only when..
One feels trapped in the depths
Alone...
Hopeless..
Living a pointless life.

When everything goes wrong,
and the efforts go to waste.
When nothing you do
can defeat the phenomenon of the world.

When you try to create your sunshine,
And it gets shattered completely by the universe,
blown away by the reality's storm.

That is when
one falls apart.
And becomes vulnerable enough.
To open up to the other
And is willing to share his pain.

That is when
one is not ashamed of showing his corruption.
And openly exhorts his evil desires,
and is not afraid of humiliating oneself.
Because, what is there left in life to fight for?
He no longer owns anything.
He no longer controls anyone.
He can no longer control his own life.
So what is there to lose?


Cabbage Wabbage

Rainy Day, ay?

Doing everything with a positive attitude is hard.
Walking into a performance thinking that I'm gonna do my all to use my gift to the most refined last drop--is an impossible task. Well, of course its possible, but there's just so much that I can't let go.
I want things to be perfect, and so I try to control my gift.
Which is of course...completely pathetic.

Anyhow, I've learned a lesson...it will never be perfect! Even when you think that it is, it's not.

And, yea that's shitty. But life is not perfect to begin with. If it was, there will be no goal to reach. There will be no desire to strive in life.

Amen?

It's raining outside. Oh joy! Thank God I'm over with my depressed period of the month. Otherwise, I would be pretty frickin' pissed by now.

You know what this weather means? Hoodie and sweat pants day! yea baby!!!


Cabbage Wabbage

Sunny Day, ay?

I've decided. I'm ready to be done with undergrad studies.
I wanna study with people who care.
I wanna be able to have the time to study what I care.

I wanna see people of my level, who cares about the things that I care.
I need more schubert club competitors around me.

I wanna see what I can offer instead being safely "sheltered" in the Augsburg Community.

I don't want to have to deal with 3 jobs and 8 classes and no time for practicing anymore.

I want time. I don't want to deal with unnecessary worries.



Cabbage Wabbage

doobee-doobee-dagada-dagada-

"I'm ready for school to be over so I can actually begin to think about more important things in life."
"School means nothing more to me besides getting my degree."
"School is making me sick and depressed."

What a sad attitude students have about school these days.

I would be hypocritical to claim that I am no where near to that attitude.

But honestly, why are college students of our generation so turned off by school?

Is it because we are beginning to understand that we don't need qualifications to survive in this world?
Is it because we are exposed and encouraged to learn through experience rather than academia?
Is it because parents no longer care about their children's grade?
Is it because half the faculties, staffs, and proffesors are half assing their jobs?

Finals are coming up. Do I wanna work myself up and be the perfectionist that I am, or should I cut myself some slack and say Fuck It to all the unnecessary load of stress that school has placed upon my shoulder?

-Cabbage Wabbage

Stressed out

It's difficult to sing to empower when you are competing for a $2000 prize.
On Saturday afternoon at 1:48pm, I finaled for the Schubert Club in Intermediate Voice Catergory.
And I've failed. Got caught up in my nerves, tongue got tied, and I forgot my words.
The worst singing experience that I have ever had.
...Well, today we will find out the results and tomorrow, I'll be getting my critiques from Benita.
How do you not want to impress when you're being judged by a great singer.

I have 2 research papers and 2 presentations due this week. Can I make it through?
I guess I don't quite have a choice if I'm planning to ace this semester huh?

In truth, you shall be set free.
Something I've learned yesterday. The truth is, my body is weak, and my brain is helpless. But somewhere inside of me, God has given me the power to overcome. Somewhere inside of my brain, there is a switch that can only be controlled by me.
My choice. No hesitation. No middle ground. Just one choice.

And it'll make all the difference.

Cabbage Wabbage

My Beautiful One

Let me kiss away each drop of bitter tears.
I love you.
May you see the sun today.
Wishing I can hold you closer.
Embrace you all day.
Till the pain vanishes
And leaves you nothing else but the taste of freedom.

Ah, my sweet love!
Hope. Let us hope.
That this sick world will begin to heal.
Living can be painful.
But the key to unlock the sweetness is in our hands.
My love.
Let me battle with you.
We are the source of each other's strength.

Let us not lose to the world.

Look beyond what seems impossible.

We can.
Because the Father is on our side.
He didn't make us to be self-destructive.
Nor to leave us abandoned in a chaotic world.
The power that He has given in us surpasses what we think we can.
Look beyond.

I believe.



Cabbage Wabbage

Wraping up

I'm ending this year with a grand fire work show.
I'm going to explode into sparks.

Schubert Competition this Saturday.
MacPhail Piano Honors Recital this Sunday.
Mental energy: Scattered

So, Evelyn might be homeless this summer...unless if she's looking to be broke for the whole summer and the upcoming year.
NOT COOL.

THE SUN HAS ARRIVED!!!! The only good news for this week. Yeap.

More updates on self-contemplation in the next post.

Till then,
Cabbage Wabbage

I'm getting sooo sick of this...

I'm so fatigued....
I need sleep...
I'm going to get sick soon.

I wanna be over with this semester. Professors don't give a shit, students don't give a shit, faculties don't give a shit...I feel like I'm fighting for a lost cause.
Burnt out...
I can never get anything done...

I'm sick of this...

Cabbage Wabbage

Are we ready to be done?

Is this it? Is this the end of our crazy Minnesotan weather?
Ever since last week, I'm doubtful of what weather I might be battling against this week.

Today will never be the same from yesterday. And tomorrow will never be the same from today.
BUT, HOWEVER, let's not ignore the existence of yesterday, anticipate the coming of tomorrow, and celebrate the living of today.

School is getting tougher. Much to do in so little time. Cramp Cramp Cramp.

Finally got myself registered for most of my classes next semester.
Time flew by again. Not surprising to me anymore.

Cabbage Wabbage

It's snowing again...

So, I'm back in my room. Looking out the window...
I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to understand..I really am.
But each time I understand a little more, I feel further away further away from the truth.
I lose my sight on the purpose of life.

Never run away from the truth, it will always bite you up and swallow you down into the deepest part of his belly.

As a musician, you study about the great things that other great musicians have done.

You look at yourself, and realize that you have yet to contribute anything that's worthwhile in the name of music.

Disappointment. I would love to do so much more. But why do I feel as though it is impossible?

What is stopping me?

Myself.



stop worrying and starting doing for God's sake.

People are not what they seem. The world's never about fact. It's about the truth. What is truth? You are the truth. Nature's the truth. Strip away the materials, digits, currencies, possessions, obsessions...there's the truth.


Cabbage Wabbage

I got in!

Schubert Club Finals:
Next Saturday.

I'm excited.
If only I didn't have this much hw, I can enjoy singing a lil more =(

Anyways, the sun's back out!
HELLO grandpa SUN!!!!
I missed u. =)

I am an Aunt for the first time.
Emeth was born on April Fools day. And he is so cute. I already love him.

Thank you God for all the blessings.

Sincerely,
Cabbage Wabbage

It's snowing?

It's the second week of April. And...it's snowing...

WHY?????????

Wow.
Unbelievable. Mother Nature is being so complicated right now. I can't seem to understand her even when I try so hard to.

Anyhow, it's a new week and I'm very excited. I've gotten quite a lot done this weekend and I need to get more done today.
I wanna practice really badly, but that has got to wait until I get 2 papers over with.

A lot of forms are due very soon.
Tax return.
Summer housing application.
Registration.
Graduation appplication.
Gotta turn those in ASAP.


It's gonna be a great week. =) I'm PSYCHED!
As of now, I gotta get back to filing and labeling in the office.

Cabbage Wabbage

I am so glad it's raining, NOT snowing!!!

I love the rain.
It makes me think of home. How it rains in the evening as I wait by the drains for Dad to pick me up from school.
It's exciting.
Tadpoles were the things I loved most about the rain back home.
I tried to cup them in my hands, hoping that I could bring them home and raise them till they become bullfrogs.
But, alas, there was no way Mom and Dad would ever agree.

Ah rain...reminiscence of my childhood.

I'm homesick again, but I will see my family very soon.

Everything from here on will be nothing but excitement. =)

Cabbage Wabbage

Done.

First recital of my own.
Done.
First Schubert club competition.
Done.
First Stuttgard auditions.
Done.

Wow. What a fruitful week it's been. I've learned much.
About life challenges, relationships, friendships, love and how evil people can be.

And of course...A LOT about music and my future expectations.

What else can I say?

It's been great. So wonderful, comforting, and blessed to know how caring and loving people can be.
Only if they choose to be.

I love you. Yes You!

Cabbage Wabbage

My Day

Why do I sing?
When I sing, I feel so close to God.
I cannot deny the perfection in music. How it can describe our world, our hearts and our minds so perfectly.
Why do I sing?
To empower hearts.
Why do I sing?
To share the beauty that I find in music--so that others may see and hear and know the perfect beauty that can never be distorted.
Why do I sing?
To understand more about my existence.
Why do I sing?
It is empowering. Each breath that I inhale is empowerment to my mind.

I cannot sing without being alive. I cannot be alive without singing.

Why do I sing?
For the simplicity.

The joy that one can find in the simplicity of great beauty.

Cabbage Wabbage