Selfless Love

Deny Yourself. Have interest in others' needs more than your own.

Luke 9:23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Mark 8:34 And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."


Cabbage Wabbage

The end of Christmas Season

I'm going shopping this afternoon. I'm SOOO pumped!
After Christmas Season SALES! This is a very dangerous season for humans like Evelyn.

I've been getting many awful news about my relatives in Malaysia. Things are changing and I don't get to be there it.

January 1 is coming = New Year resolutions in the process

One of these days, I'll find a time to ponder on the '07 lessons that I've learned through Augsburg.

Be excited!!!

Cabbage Wabbage

What is Beauty?

.Love.

Honor

What is honor to you?
Your religion? Your ancestors? Your family? Your children? Your friends? Your house? Your money? Your looks? Your job?
Funny when you think of the things that can offend the most laid back person you know...
You can talk shit and mock everything about them but the one thing that they honor most in their lives.
It is a part of one's pride. Where does one places his/her pride in.
It is a part of one's identity. What is the basic rule of thumb that one lives on.
It is a part of one's world. A person can go on living, needing nothing but this one thing.
It is like a precious treasure--a jewel, or a secret garden that is protected and is out of the reach of everyone but you.

What is your treasure and are you honoring this treasure in your day to day daily routines?


Cabbage Wabbage

And all disheartened spirits shall be healed by the magical touch of Monet's brush

Christmas

The day we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, who came down to earth in the form of a helpless babe.
Beautiful.
A God so powerful who chose to be in a simple woman's womb for 9 months. Just think how fragile He was.
Do you believe this? Do you believe this story?
Sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I can't. And I'm a double-Pastor's Kid!
It's hard to imagine that a powerful God--who I don't really know, coming to me in human form in order to save me from my damns. He did all these for love.
Love. That is the biggest difference in Christianity. Christianity is not a religion, it is a love relationship between humanity and God. It's all about love. We are given a choice to return the love from a God who has chosen to love us first.
Yes, I am a hypocrite. I can be a selfish person, and I do not live my life reflecting a true Christian who knows this Love inside out.
But in defense for myself, I will say that no one is born perfect. And life is a process. Learning your imperfections day by day and challenging yourself by choosing to improve.
I hope everyone had a good Christmas!
I hope everyone is feeling the spirit of love!

Heartily,
Cabbage Wabbage

Memories

I remember...
When I fell down the stairwell back when I was 6.
I was trying to catch the blue balloon and did not realize that my legs were not coordinated enough for me to run down the stairs. I chipped my front teeth.

I remember...
Catching as many ladybugs as I can. I would walk home from school with a handful of ladybugs to be kept in a tiny container.
I woke up one morning, and the container was no where to be found.
I cried for a day*which was probably an hour in real time*, and forgot everything once mom was done baking brownies.

I remember...
I use to hide in the crack between my parents' bed and the wall in their bedroom. I would run away from baths and that was the most strategic place to hide. Yea, I was always the queen of hiding in rounds of hide and seek.

I remember...
The day when I had to stand on the desk in class because I failed to complete my homework.

I remember...
Catching tadpoles with my hands, hoping that I could keep them in a tiny container. Too bad they needed water to survive. I couldn't think of a way to keep them wet the whole way home.

I remember...
Dad would always bring my sisters and I out for late night supper in the late night food stalls. Nasi lemak, teh tarik, chai tao ge..yummm...

I remember...
Being locked in the storage room. I was not allowed to come out until I could recite the times-table up to the multiplication of 10. That was NOT fun...

I remember...
Tearing, stomping and spitting on my piano books. I hated practicing piano. I guess Mom was always right when I was a kid. My practicing sessions did pay off and still does.


...so much from my past...so much to do...so many dreams....

cabbage wabbage

Let's talk about Psych

I find it so hard to believe how much our lives revolve around our mental stability.
We can easily change and create things through our imagination.
The power of imagination makes up and puts the pieces of matters together in our lives.
How scary.
The choices that we make revolve around 2 things, our will to change and the fear to change.
Humans naturally want to improve and change consistently. But we are the very same individuals that stop changes.
A tiny mistake made by our ancestors can be the very reason why your dad is abusive, your mom is a drunkard, you're socially awkward, and I lack in self-confident.
How powerful are we as human beings. The choices that we're given, the changes that we can create...our brains, imaginations, and bodies that could turn our imaginations into reality.
This exact thought scares me.
I lose my belief everytime I think of this.
For I refuse to believe that my life is in my complete control. No one can deny that there is a higher power hovering over humanity. The "spiritual realm".
We are not as powerful as we think we are...it could easily be just another one of our imaginations.

Afraid to Sleep

Afraid to sleep...

What if I'll never wake up for tomorrow...
Afraid to sleep...
What if my body locks my soul up...
Afraid to sleep...
What if I'll never get to see my loved ones again..
Afraid to sleep...
What if its the end of the world...
Afraid to sleep...
What if my lover leaves me...
Afraid to sleep...
What if a murderer breaks into my home...
Afraid to sleep...
What if I wake up beside a stranger....
What if I became a stranger to myself?
What if I lose my home...
my family and friends...
my hair...
my clothes...
my job...
my world...
my memories...
What is left of me then?

Cabbage Wabbage

Fragile

Life.
what is beyond the things we see.
We consistently stop ourselves from thinking.
Fear.
Afraid to lose our sense of control.
Fear.
Unanswered questions.
What if you find yourself in bed tomorrow...
Paralyzed.
Unable to move your tongue..
Numb....No!
This is not a dream!
No!
Wake me Up!
Let me out of this body!
Can anyone hear me?
Why do they look at me with those eyes?
Why are they sticking a tube down my nostrils?
Wake me up!
No!
Get me out!
No...this is not a dream...
Life is no longer what I've created.
My body is whithering...
Slowly shedding into dust.

Farewell my loved ones.
Will you remember me?


Cabbage Wabbage

Happy Break!!

Dear Stalkers,
It's finally here! Winter Break! WOohOoo~~~

So here I am sitting in the middle of my sister's dining table in Chicago.
The day after my last final, I cooked, packed, and cleaned up my room.
Next morning, I woke up, caught the Mega Bus at 7am (this was a story in itself), and arrived at Milwaukee around 1pm.

This feels so weird. It feels like I'm in a complete different timezone. I have 3 other sister and this is the first time we've gotten together in the past year--The first time together without our parents.

My eldest sister is pregnant for 5 months now.
The next time I see her, she'll have a baby in her hands.
It's finally sinking in that she's started her own family.
It feels like there are different versions of her in one body. She's no longer just my sister, she's a mom, a wife, and a soon to be pastor.
It's weird...

I guess it's true that seasons change, the old whithers and the new arrives...

Cabbage Wabbage

One down

So, my weekend of torture and sacrifice turn out to be quite an investment.

I owe it all to my super duper accountable church friends.
Thanks for all those cups of coffee and tea and snacks.

Hope everyone is well and alive.

Stay away from ferrets.


Cabbage Wabbage

Just another marathon

Ok, about my last post.
I didn't mean it when I said "I didn't learn shit".
In fact, that was probably the biggest lie I've told this semester.
I've learned more than both hands full in the past 3 months.

Pressing on.
Consistency
to the very end.
Squeezing the very last drop of energy out of me without breaking myself.
That is exactly what I need to do this week.

I will give all I can give until my very last final project.

Just another marathon in life.

Cabbage Wabbage

Fuck I've Never Actually Learned Shit

F.I.N.A.L.S
Yeap, this week has been a pain in the ass.
I was not at all anticipating a final this semester. Turns out that one of my professors decided to back stab the class and give us a gigantic final and a project on top of that.
lovely.

On top of that...

• Room mate conflict #1000000
• Juries
• Work
• Christmas Celebration
• Music lessons
  

Yikes.

I am not feeling good. I might be coming down with something.
Not gonna complain...Nope.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OK we're good.

Cabbage Wabbage

wo ai ni

Tien tien wo xiang ni de ai.
Tien tien dou xiang kan jien ni de lian.
Ni zhai ne er?

Setiap hari, aku rindui cintamu.
Setiap hari, aku mimpi melihat mukamu.
Di mana Engkau?

Cabbage Wabbage

Hopelessness

Faithful reader,
It is only when one acknowledges hopelessness, then can he/she define the meaning of hope.

I question, and search for the meaning of my life.
As of now, I am in utter confusion of my existence.
I am not hopeless for my future, for I am hopeful that one day I might see the purpose of my breaths...
...hoping that someday, I may have my own apologia to claim after.
As of now, I will not deny this hopeless sensations that I have. I believe that all will come clear in time.

Never deny your weakness.
Permit yourself to make mistakes.
If needed, over-do them.

As of the very next minute, I will patiently read my Voice Rep text book, and try to complete my very first procrastinated assignment of the week...


Heartily,
Cabbage Wabbage

The journey continues

Is it just me, or do boys lose all their sensibility and intelligence once they reach their college years?
One day, I will arrange a man-hunting trip off-campus for all the Augsburg girls.

Isn't it just the greatest feeling to know that there is someone across the globe who is missing and thinking about u?

So, loneliness..
Question: am I the only one dealing with this issue right now?
Answer: No

If we all know the feeling of loneliness,
then...
Why don't we all try loving and caressing each other more often?
Why do we all act like there is no need to understand each other?
Why do we hate and call each other assholes and bitches?


Cabbage Wabbage

You are alone

lonely.

You stare into the sky on a clear night.
Clusters of stars, here and there.
You stare. you stare. and you stare
and you wonder...
where is your cluster? Where do you belong?
And then, you look around you...
only to realize that you're in the center of an open pool.
Cold...and silent...
You wish to get out.
Left, right, front, back...
No sign of land.
You're stuck.
.....
.......
Your skin's wrinkling.
let the water swallow you.
You begin to sink.
down. and down. and down.
Into the depths of pitch black.
There is no end.
You're afraid of the dark.
Numb. Silence. lame...
You can do nothing.


Friend...
You MUST Fly.
Fly for my sake, your sake and for our universe.

I love you...
Let's keep the positive vibration going.
Just between us.
Push and pull.
Give and take away.
Just love.

Healthy Vs. Instant Satisfaction

Scenario:
A customer came to the coffee shop today wondering if she should get a cookie or a rice crispy.
A rice crispy bar would be healthy, but the cookie would provide instant satisfaction. She reaches out her hand and grabs the cookie.
This is how all human brain functions. Why bother worrying about what's healthy in the long run? If he/she/it can satisfy my current needs and desires, why should I suffer the pain of waiting/separation for my future's sake? If I never satisfy my current needs to the day I die, when will I ever be satisfied then? Why do I wanna quit smoking if I love it so much? Why do I wanna keep ignoring him if it's making me suffer in the inside? Why should I choose to do my hw if I don't wanna do it? Why do I wanna go to class when I can sleep all day? Why should we break up for our future's sake if we love each other so deeply?

What would u like sir, a long term health or an instant dose of satisfaction?

Cabbage Wabbage