My Inner Conversations

One of the goals that I really wanted to achieve this week was to stop being such a self critic to my voice.
It definitely took a lot of courage and energy.
When I am not positive, this is how my inner dialog goes:

Me: Focus...keep working...drop that jaw
Inner Critic: Oh dear, that sounded bad
Me: Keep the tongue flat on the jaw.
Inner Critic:Yikes! That definitely didn't sound like a professional singer
Me: I can do this. Just Let that tongue go.
Inner Critic: You're not doing it right! How can you think you can go to Grad School?
Me: How do I release this tongue?
Inner Critic: You're pushing too much!
Me: Focus..Focus....
Inner Critic:You can't sing anymore. You're throat is hoarse.
Me: I got the first phrase figured out...Maybe it's my vowels. How do I sing on a pure vowel?
Inner Critic: This is too difficult. Hah! You're such a joke! You just got one page down in one hour??
Me: I suck...
Inner Critic: Yea, you do. If you were a great singer, you would have gotten the whole song down by now...
Me: But it's a process. It's a process!! What is a process?? What am I doing??How do you fix this tongue???
Inner Critic: Fuck the process! You should quit now.
Me: I hate singing. I can't sing anymore.

This week, this is all I allowed myself to think about.

Me: What a wonderful day to sing!
Inner Critic: I bet you're gonna go hoarse again today..
Me: Shut up! It's all a process. How would you know if I haven't even sung yet?
Inner Critic:...
Me: Let's just sing. Now, what did I learn during my voice lessons?
Inner Critic: Oh dear, you're tongue's a lil' tight!
Me: Thank you! Let's figure out how to fix it why don't we?
Inner Critic: You're tongue is too tight at the back.
Me: Okay, maybe if I sing in "Ou" the way I was told to, it'll help.
Inner Critic: You're pushing a little.
Me: Okay, let's try not blasting my voice. There you go. You're telling the most secretive secret.
Inner Critic: You're jaw is tight on "eeh" vowels.
Me: Okay, let's try saying eeeh as in easy...
Me: Oh, that feels good. Don't worry. Just sing...just sing. If there is a problem, I will learn how to fix it. It's a process. I don't need to know everything now. We'll find out on our way.

I am a singer. And I was born to do this.

Cabbage Wabbage