The end?

I wish for an end. I'm ready to be done.
Can I please start a new one?

I've come to realize that life as a singer has to be a lonely life.
There are no other options.

My engine's running constantly.
And it's not always filled with gas.
work work work...
coffee coffee coffee...
music, however shall not be apart of this whiny entry.

This is a very sick world.
And.... I am currently a part of it.


Cabbage Wabbage

Passion

Fiery desire
Ready to explode at any moment
Dark intense red
Boiling under your skin
Your guts flip
Someone's pulling your stomach out of you
You just wanna run to the top of the mountains
Scream and yell and weep...

Just want to be taken away
To be caressed,
held on the neck
allowing the kiss to suck the soul out of you...

Tangled.
Caught up in the intensity.
Forgotten self.
Increased heart rate.
Rapid pounding
on the walls of her heart
and head.

Passion is danger.
Never play with fire,
says the old man.

The best parts of life happen when you encounter passion.
The worst parts of life is caused by blinding passion.

Be very careful. Fire can burn.


Cabbage Wabbage

Alert...

In repentance and rest is your salvation.
In quietness and trust is your strength.

Tired girl.
What is the point of living if its all just a routine?
Mechanical.
We are given a chance to decide,
And yet we choose to be robotic.

Preoccupied minds.
Walking down the street
Not seeing the beauty in life.
Breathless souls
Stuck in a breathing bodies.
Breathing souls
Stuck in breathless bodies.

Is your life a book of decisions or theories?



Cabbage Wabbage

Epiphany--Confession Session 1

This is me:
a) I create problems before they become problems
b) I am afraid of my own voice
c) I am afraid of screwing up
d) The music I make is bigger than I am

I trust, I make believe, I fear...

Is it worth living in a world of fears?
Fear of not being able to revolutionize and leave a mark in this world?

Constant reminder: Fearing and hoping does not lead us to the truth. We must do and experiment.
It's all trials and errors, baby...trials and errors....


Cabbage Wabbage

Here we go again

New week, new adventures.

Q: What do you do when you doubt?
a. break down
b. procrastinate
c. party
d. all the above
A: d. All the above
jk... I find it helpful to talk to an older person.
Listen to their life stories, they got a lot to say.

Coming major performances:
Feb 10, 1pm : MacPhail Recital
Feb 10, 3.30pm: Molly's Recital
April 3, 8.30pm: Evelyn's Junior Recital
April 5, 8am-6.30pm:Preliminaries for Schubert Club

Be prepared! All of you! muahahaha....
I'm spending a fortune on these performances. *Deep Breath*


Cabbage Wabbage

My dream

Mice infesting my ass.
Night mare?


Cabbage Wabbage

In the end?

Exist.
Love for a second.
Turn away
No longer present.
Shooting star crosses your path.
Just once.
Nothing more.
Memories go unnoticed.
Beauty goes unknown.

Dark plane.
My eyes lock.
I retreat to my secret garden.
Blooming flowers.
By the ocean.
The breeze brushes my skin.
I gaze up
There lives an expanse
stretched out to infinity
How far can you go?
Silence.
So still. I hear only the waves.
I hear the trees grow
Drawing out its masculine branches
!
My heart stops beating for a second.
I caught my breath.
Dot dot dot...
DOT!

The princess is awake
and waiting...

Gibberish...

Knaylo lo mayse
Sewi jamyo lafsa
simipu raksha
levowe
lovowe.

Fraski khavwi
Snifel riki akhsha
Smwaut stulaf.

Rmyu Jwiila
lamdara.

Limbwe limbwe
Grast omphi namp.
Krashtikh Quar larof
tu timwemba.

Polashka tsri srikhnah.

Tuhan berkati engkau.



Kabaga Wabaga.

Blind

What's being blind like?
Color?
The sky becomes earth.
The earth becomes sky.
Music speaks.
Apples are blue.
How would you paint your world if you were to lose your sight?
You see my dear stalkers,
I believe that when you're blind...you see more things
You hear, you sense, you feel, you understand.
You become more aware..
More present...
More alive

Sometimes, it's good to be blind for a while.
Then you'll learn to trust your instincts.
To have faith that you're not being screwed over.

Just believe.

Blind faith.

Cabbage Wabbage

Back to school!

Back pack? Check!
Pencil? Check!
Folders? Check!
Notebook? Check!
Books? Check!
Sick? Double Check!
...Great kick off for my wonderful semester =)

ALERT! Crazy throat and sinus attacking virus is spreading around Augsburg on high-speed.

I love my classes. I feel like I'm actually using my brain this semester. It's wonderful.
I'm especially excited for my religion course. Paul, the Apostle.
His eyes were open, he could see nothing.
One can only see clearer when one loses his sight.

You must lose to gain.

I hope everyone's getting a fresh start this semester! Good luck!

Cabbage Wabbage

Settling Myself In

I have been so busy helping the Norwegians to settle in, I've completely forgotten about myself.

Today, I found myself running dry--thirsty and just in need of some attention.

Why does happiness leave so soon?

Do you realize that as soon as you objectify happiness, the essence of it disappears?

Once you begin creating beauty out of the beautiful, it betrays you and becomes an ugly being.

Recently, I've come into crossroads of my future options.

What happens when your passion does not match your talents?

Have you ever felt like you've lost your stand and grip in life?
Left in utter confusion of your existence in a world which you do not understand.

You weren't born and made by your own choice. But you're placed into a world in which you live through free will--the power to make your own choices.

That blows my mind! Who am I without this world? I feel like we've hand made this world--creating theories, equations and formulas of how we want our world to look like.

Pretty amazing and pathetic at the same time.

Oh, mamma mia~

Cabbage Wabbage

Settling In

What a wonderful start of the day.
Although it may not be the sunniest day, there's still an adventure awaiting for me out there.

Did you know that it takes 43 muscles to frown but only 17 to smile?
LET'S ALL ACTIVATE THOSE 17 MUSCLES NOW,WHY DON'T WE?
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
There! Wasn't that easy?

I was settling in the Norwegian exchange students yesterday.
And decided to bring them out for bubble tea.
Result: Shock and Disappointment
Lesson: Evelyn must never again bring Norwegian students to cafes that sell drinks with weird black squishy round things in them.

1Sam 24:12 *May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you.*

Eat your vitamins and keep yourselves hydrated at all times!


Cabbage Wabbage

The Bridegroom

Slimy droppings
Oozes over his body
A body so big
A brain the size of a mustard seed
forest he owns
with no trees
Flies buzzing around
Crossed eyes
There he stands
crouching...
His wounded skin boils
Mice infesting his lungs..
A beast breeds in his heart
His forehead is growing moldy
A century
ten decades
hundred years
Thirty six thousand five hundred twenty four days
Ticks away
Memories made
but not remembered
Beneath the moon
he stands
He awaits his bride

I laugh

object.
merciless beings why do you fear?
power.
Merely a speckle of dust on the face of the universe
monstrous creatures crawling
teeth grinding.
I touch beyond what I can see.
I feel colors.
I smell music.
I close my eyes, and I see clearer.
Silence is noise.
I move in stillness.
I cry behind my skin.
My left equals to my right's right.
Butterfly is such a weird name.
Do we exist for the reason.
or
Do reasons exist for us?

I laugh.
No understanding.
I laugh.
No power over fate.
I laugh.
No choice over death.
I laugh.
No rules over nature.
I laugh.
Mind over body.
I laugh.
Body over mind.

Do you see why I laugh?

A girl

She looks around
Sad eyes hidden...
Hopeful eyes widen...
Stares at herself
Her own reflection
through broken pieces of glass.

One day
white she wishes
A crown on her head
shower of jewels and diamond
Yes, I do
She awaits no more
Takes flight in his embrace
Safe in the shadows
of a masculine figure
Hopeful eyes widen...
This is it

Shattered heart
piercing from within
Bullet proof wall built around her skin
Nothing can touch her.
Hidden sad eyes
open wide...
Tears of blood
stream down her cheeks

Feel no more
Hear no more
See no more
......................................................

Immortal Love is What I Seek

The faithful love I have just described below does not exist amongst mortals. If you wish to know more please do not feel reluctant to ask.

My dearest readers,
There is a greater life beyond what we can see.
It is the second day of my year in Augsburg.

Although not many has returned from their break, I am already feeling the excitement pumping through my veins.
My course load this semester is pretty heavy.
Here it goes:
-Foundations of Fitness
-Music of the 20th Century
-Instrumental Conducting
-Paul the Apostle
-Physics for the Fine Arts
-Augsburg Choir
-Voice Class
-Junior Recital
-20+ work study hours on top of this
Fuhh...I need tons of magical fuel to keep me running strong.

I hope everyone had a good New Years!

Heartily,
Cabbage Wabbage

A faithful lover

I said no, you still love me.
I shoved you aside, you still love me.
I walked away, you still love me.
I forget about you, you still love me.
I was dirty, you still love me.
I wouldn't let go of my past, you still love me.
I was blind, you still love me.
You didn't just love me,
You stood beside me
You held me close
You cried with me
You cried for me
You took my wound and placed it upon Yourself
You gave me--the hopeless, a light that breaks through the darkest of the dark.

I want to abide in You the exact same way You have abide in me.
I am Your's forever because You have been and will always be mine...


Heartily,
Cabbage Wabbage

First Day In Augsburg for the year 2008

Dearest readers,
I'm back on the go.
Began work today, and will be assisting the new incoming international students for the next week.
There were a couple of them that came in today. You can tell by the look of their faces that they were tired and homesick/lovesick.
WOW...being away from home for the past 5 years has pretty much drained out my memories of how much I use to be homesick.
Life in Malaysia was wild and adventurous for me.
I was the princess of rebellion. I loved breaking rules.
I knew everyone and everyone knew me.
I had "friends". I had my boyfriend.
Then I moved into an unfamiliar land. Different language, culture, set of rules, people, climate, neighborhood...No more friends, no more popularity, no more boy friend, no more attention, no more "the Evelyn"...only a stranger, an international student who always sits by herself in the corner.
I was angry. God took away everything I once had. The power and the control I use to have are all gone.
I will never stay here for long ...
That was 2002, now it's 2008...and I am still here, alive and livin it up.
When things change, it seems like the end of the world. But through hope and patience, beauty will reveal itself to us someday.

=) Cabbage Wabbage