One Last Post for 2008

Dearest Readers,
It has been a great year. If you've been reading faithfully, thank you for the support.
I wish all of you the best for the New Year. And please remember to live everyday like there's no tomorrow. Have fun and be excited. Remember that everything that happens today happens for a reason, and the reason can only unfold in the future. So there is no use to worry today, but be grateful for the chance to live another new day.

Be kind to yourself. Love while you can. And be gentle to our world.

As for now, enjoy your last few minutes of 2008, and be ready to welcome the brand new 2009 with the widest arms and warmest smiles.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! God Bless You!!

Till next year,
Cabbage Wabbage

Things I'm Grateful for 2008

As we move into a brand new year, it seems proper for me to acknowledge all that I'm grateful for in the year 2008.
I learned so much of myself this year. Good and bad. Mostly bad, but it was meant for the good.
I saw strength in myself. I never knew I had such power in me. I never knew I was allowed to feel such strength before.
I also saw myself in the most vulnerable and weak form. God did I hate myself.
I saw how my past is in conflict with my present.
How much I need to unlearn, and relearn of myself.
I learned to see my family through a different lens.
I saw the power of love, honesty, and sincerity.
I found Alec, who has been such a great support for me in this past year.
I learned to see the difference between pride and confidence.
I was given the responsibility to supervise student workers in the coffee shop.
I understood how much it gives me to serve others in everything that I had the chance to do. (at work, in classrooms, in my performances, with friends, with family, with strangers)
Finally realizing the joy I can find through singing.
Finally learning how to love and care for myself.

These of course do not list things in detail. But you get the idea. It's been a great year. I can only hope for more to be grateful for in the upcoming year.

Love one another.

Cabbage Wabbage

Untitled

Being away from your loved one on New Year's Eve is actually pretty depressing.
It's nice to be with family, but you know...it's also really nice to be able to be beside him during the count down and get that kiss from him on the first second of 2009.
Oh well, there will be other New Years coming up. It's just too bad that this happens to our first New Year together. Unfortunately, it will be spent apart.

Cabbage Wabbage

Unlearning

Babies need encouragement to know what they're doing right.
Babies need encouragement to know that they can.
Babies need encouragement to know that they are loved.
Babies need encouragement to know that they are more than what they think they are.
Babies need encouragement to know that they are allowed to choose what's right.

Why do I speak of this? How do I know what babies need?
Because, I was not a baby who was showered by encouragements.
I was an extroverted baby who had to be consistently be controlled and disciplined. Quite the opposite, I was discouraged from being myself.
Well back then, my parents did it to ensure that I learned how to control my emotions, my pride, my extroverted characteristics. It was out of love and care. They were just trying to protect me.
However, as a kid, I did not see this. Instead, I saw myself as a failure to my parents, a problem kid, the worst out of the four, the daughter who just never had it.
Now as an adult, this misunderstanding has become a rather serious obstacle in my growth. I have to unlearn many things that I've felt in the past decades, and re-condition myself to love some things that I've somehow learned to hate in the past.
What do I mean by the word "unlearn"?
It is to completely abandon some subjects that you've once held as essential in your past.
Abandon, turn away, weed out (down to the roots), to disconnect yourself from whatsoever it is that you are planning to unlearn.

When this is done successfully, you'll find yourself most vulnerable and lonely.
So please be aware that the choice to unlearn is liberating but it will cause living a more difficult process than how it use to be. It's no longer the same old routine.

So be careful with what you choose.

Cabbage Wabbage

My Lil Nephew

Watching my lil' nephew makes me wonder what kinda life he would be living 2 decades from now.
Where will I be?
Ideally, I would really wish to be traveling around the world singing and learning more music, more history, experiencing what I've been studying and studying what I shall be experiencing.
There's no such thing as enough in Evelyn's dictionary. Always hungry, always dissatisfied.

So, where will lil' Emmeth be at this moment? He will of course be with my sister and my brother in-law. God willing, he may be with his younger siblings.
What kinda life will he be living? An extremely accessible life. The developed world he will be surrounded by. Sure, it seems like he's got it easy. But I wonder what challenges he would have to deal with. What more can his generation envision to do?

These questions lead me to..well no where.
The thing to do now is to pray that I may live happily through the life span that I've been given, and complete the tasks that I've been entitled to.

Cabbage Wabbage

What Love Use to Look Like

Oh, how magical love use to be. The fluttery, sparkly, pink clouds vision that cartoons have implanted into the minds of lil' ten years-old girls.
It's funny because most cartoons disregard the existence of conflicts, the struggle to maintain the magic in a relationship, the idea of break-ups. Maybe the relationship is just not working out, and sometimes he's just not the right match for her.
lol...
As I was watching through these video clips, I also realized how we (my sisters and I) have become so pessimistic in our views of relationships and the world in general.

There are worries, and it does not always work out for eternal happiness on earth.

Cabbage Wabbage

Yellow Fever by Wong Fu

OMG! You guys! This is so funny...A window to Asian culture =)

Cabbage Wabbage

Backwards nerd...

Current GPA: 3.846
Cumulative GPA: 3.733

Yea, decent grades...Sadly, once you hit senior year GPA's somehow loses its worth and meaning.
It's different for different students I guess, some students get so worked up about not being on the dean's list, some really like the number 4.0, and some just don't really give a shit about their grades and have fun in the sun doing a whole buncha bs all day *hey if that makes them happy(shrugs)*

Coming from a Chinese background, I was one to care about my grades. I was so consumed by grades in my freshman year that I couldn't write papers coz I was too worried about getting bad grades for them.
Yes, in other words...I was a nerd...just backwards. Coz I would end up procrastinating coz I was too busy worrying.
Perfectionism sets you up for failure.
As a nerd who wants to be perfect, I see the possibility to fail at the end of the tunnel. So like many other perfectionists, I choose to be idle and worry over problems that don't exist.

Now that I've learned this as a senior (yes, I know I've come a long way)seeing good grades on my transcript doesn't really mean much anymore.
It's great to know that you've done a decent job in the semester, but your grades doesn't mean as much as the experiences and lessons you've learned through your courses. They mean nothin if you're just as shitty of a person as you were in the beginning of your college career.

And now to close, words of wisdom from the Back Dorm Boyz...


Cabbage Wabbage

Malaysianity Withdrawal

How I miss your breeze
How I wish I was able to know you better
To walk on more of your sand and beaches
To climb more hills and mountains
To swim in the dark blue sea
and taste more of your fresh young coconuts.

So I was talking to my aunt from San Francisco on Christmas day and I told her how much I would like to go back to Malaysia.
"Yi yi we miss our Malaysian identity so badly. We wish we can plan on a date for the whole family to gather in Malaysia once again." Sadly, her response was, "Let's first plan on completing your education. Maybe after grad school."
GRAD SCHOOL?? That's like 4000000 more yearssss.
Eight years. It's been eight years since I bid my farewells. Since I waved at my friends in the airport. Since I told my best friends that I would be back in 3 or 4 years.

It's been eight years. How can I still call myself a Malaysian and posses a red Malaysian passport? What rights do I have to speak for my country?
You know...come to think of it, I actually feel pretty hypocritical whenever I introduce myself as a Malaysian international student in Augsburg College...

Oh, Malaysia
How I miss you...

Cabbage Wabbage

True Love

Yesterday i was playing with my lil' 9 months old nephew.
I was throwing him up in the air(the way he would normally like) only to find him looking distraught, constipated...almost as though he was in deep pain.
5 seconds later, he burp puked on me.

Nice...very nice.

And no, I did not put him into the crib and punish him for his bad manners. Instead, I held him close, kissed him, and said "Anytime, lil' guy...anytime."

Cabbage Wabbage

Baby's favorite words

Age 0-1
1. mamamama
2. babababababa
3. aiaiaiaiai

Age 1-3
1. no
2. ya/yes
3. all done *well sort of*

Watching my sister with her baby makes me wonder how my mom was able to have four of us. It is challenging and difficult to have a baby--financially, time and energy wise, emotionally...there's so much that a mother needs to invest in raising a healthy baby.

Moral of the story is: Don't get knocked up, not unless if you know you are ready to have and love one. So be really careful, ladies.

Love thyself.

Cabbage Wabbage

Winding Up

So we're coming to an end of 2008. And I'm beginning to plan out my new year's resolution.
It's a scary year to transition into. End of College, beginning of a brand new chapter.
It's interesting how I never had this same feeling when I was ending my high school phase. I guess i had it easy when it came to getting into college. My dad took the initiative to call and contact colleges, while I was just living my life doing a whole bunch of nothings and worrying about my boy crushes back in those days.

Now, without my dad, I have to start applying for things that I've never imagined I'll ever be able to get into.
Jobs, scholarships, housings, transportation, insurance and maybe loans...
Thinking about all of this makes me shudder with fear.
*inhales and exhales in the count of 5*

Fear not, just believe. That's what my aunt said. But how do you know which decision is the right one to make?
When the time comes, you'll know. That's what my sister said. But what if I've decided at the wrong time?
lol...yea..as you can see, I'm being very optimistic about my upcoming new year.

Maybe my resolution should just be..
Live happy. Be excited to live and learn. I should just go with the ride and trust that He who has created me will lead me to wherever I need to go.

Trust and believe. Maybe that's why Christians are such strong and fearless folks. They don't have it easy, but they sure know how to make life look easy to live.

Cabbage Wabbage

Note for kitchen research

The difference in the effects between baking with margarine versus baking with butter.
The measurement relation between tsp, tbsp, cup, oz.
What is the difference between baking soda versus baking powder.
What other tofu puddings can I make.

Maybe it's time for me to start building my pantry...
And purchase my own kitchen wares..
Also, a blender.

cabbage wabbage

Taken Augsburg for Granted

Being away from Augsburg has been a great decision.
But it's been a week and a half now, and I'm starting to realize a few things that I've taken the campus for granted.
1) Transportation (Metro Transit to be exact)
2) An available gym
3) Music practice rooms
4) Being in the city
5) Being so close to the grocery mall

Yea, gym is such an important facility. I really need to work out after all those Christmas meals.
I've been wearing my pjs and sweatpants for the past few days, I wonder if I still fit into my jeans.
I'm worried...

Cabbage Wabbage

I found this online

TOFU CHOCOLATE PUDDING OR MOUSSE

1 lb. soft tofu
1/4 c. salad oil
3/4 c. granulated sugar
1/4 c. cocoa
1 tsp. vanilla

Blend tofu, all ingredients until smooth and creamy. Pour into individual serving dishes and chill until firm.

CHOCOLATE:

1 lb. soft tofu
1 (6 oz.) pkg. semi-sweet pieces
1 c. sugar, granulated
1/4 c. butter
Dash of salt
1 tsp. vanilla

Blend tofu, sugar, salt, and vanilla until smooth and creamy. Melt chocolate and butter over low heat. Gradually blend into mixture. Pour into individual serving dishes and chill. Makes 3 cups.


YUMMMM!!! All I need now is a blender!

Cabbage Wabbage

My realization

Family loses importance when you hit the first two years of college.
It's so easy to want to pull away and prove to them that you'll be fine on your own.
"I am independent!I am a grown up!"
When you hit junior year, you start to realize...maybe all those parties, drinking, lollygagging with the senior boys, puttering aimlessly in the mall...
they don't really show much maturity. In fact they are very opposite to what you meant to prove to your family.
Your family on the other hand, misses you and are worrying for the zero phone calls, for the bad grade reports, the overdrafts in your bank account, and the ugly and disrespectful boyfriend you brought home the other day.
Who you think you are suppose to be in college is just an assumption.
I will not admit that I did not have moments when I truly enjoyed my first two years of college. They were years to rebel and presuppose your values and the "right" choices--to experiment.
But sometimes, it would have been better to just obey your parents and trust that their ways were learned through experience.
Sometimes, their words are not demands, but are of love and care.

haha..rediscovering moments from the past can really twinge your views of life.

cabbage wabbage

The Ultimate Kiddie Showdowns

WHAT? so I was just watching Vh1 on cable and the kiddie beauty pageant just so happen to be on. It is poopie gushing out of the eyes disgusting!
So there are like 50 something little girls going through categories (swimsuit, photogenic, best hair, best costume, best dance, yes you name it!) and they get judged and then win titles and get awarded with cash.
Hilarious!
I don't understand how parents can allow kids to do such a thing, putting their kids through contests that is based completely on outward appearances to win them cash prizes.

Sigh...
Anyways, I'm almost done with finals. Just one more thing to sing, and I'll be done.

I wonder how its gonna be for tomorrow's opera workshop final. Let's hope for the best!!

Evelyn

The Importance of Critical Thinking

Most of my interviewees saw the importance in the Western logic of critical thinking. Through their education in America, they have learned to justify their beliefs, embrace their individual identities, understand and express the embedded messages of their cultures in a more explicit and carefree manner.
The skill of critical thinking urges non-contextual and explicit to-the-point dialogues. The individual who practices critical thinking has a clear idea of what is needed and what will bring the most good for the individual through the exchange of ideas.
In one of my first classroom experiences in America, I remember being in complete shock at how some students were conversing with the teacher. They were very clear with their opinions and were not reluctant in expressing them even when they did not align with the teacher's lesson plan. Instead of being offended and lecturing at those students, the teacher encouraged the discussion and invited the rest of the class to join in.
Coming from a high context culture, where there are many hidden messages beneath the context, I was accustomed to the classroom in which teachers ruled over students. When teachers walk in, every student stands and bows to greet him or her. Whoever refuses to do so will be punished. During class, the idea of discussion was foreign and a silent class was well admired by the school administrators. Our only opportunity to speak in class is when we are required to orally recite an essay that we have memorized, otherwise teachers only allow students to speak when they acquire an answer from the textbook.
In a high context culture, "meanings are internalized and there is a large emphasis on nonverbal codes."(Hall) The culture is pre-programmed, in which it leaves very little room for chances, interpretations, debates and discussions because the community would already know the context in the state of the situation.
There is a common pattern that all members naturally abide in the high context community. When this "pre-programmed" system is challenged and provoked by some members with new thoughts and ideas, they are very likely to be avoided by the community(Jennifer Beer). Thus, opinionated and passionate dreamers are seen as outcasts in the high context societies.
When the group does not function to generate new opinions, members of the high context community becomes adapted to routines and choices are dependent on "beliefs that reflect on the past" and are coordinated to the traditions of the culture. The low context community on the other hand, strives to reach futuristic goals--everything is in linear motion where today's choices will and can affect the future. This culture allows members to dream and see the possibilities for a better and brighter future.
This shows throughout my research. All of my interviewees expressed how they were able to generate their own opinions and found many new prospects in their American lives. Their American lives gave them futuristic goals which gave their lives more meaning and purposes which they didn't have and would have never dreamed of seeing back at home.

Cabbage Wabbage

Funny Story

Alec walked into my living room today and found two sticks of butter on a plate sitting on the couch. They're just sitting there chilling, hanging out with each other on the plate.
We assumed that the butter might taste better if they lived a comfier life.
That's probably what it is.

Funny...=)

Cabbage Wabbage

Usage of Opportunities in High-Low Context Cultures

A high context community may have the same amount of opportunities given to a low context community. But the members from the low context society are more familiar to the advantages of their opportunities in comparison to the members of the high context society. An example we can refer to is the difference between the members of the American society and the Japanese society. Today's America encourages diversity in the community. Changes, developments, and improvements in opinions, thoughts and dreams are welcomed in the American's low context society. Today's Japanese generation is facing the problem of cooperating their personal desires and opinions into their high context culture. Their cultural traditions pressure the younger generation to preserve the homogeneity of their culture. In Japan, it is important to "know one's place; role or rank" in the society. Opinionated individuals are avoided and following form is very important. "There's a correct way to do almost anything" and "there's a correct phrase and thought to say for most situations." This collective behaviors prevents the society from acknowledging their appreciation to their opportunities. Changes will be difficult, and life will eventually become merely a routine.
The opportunities for jobs and education is better taken advantage of in the American society. In America, most people are educated to be creative and innovative in making their own paths to dreams and successes. In the American culture, you are allowed to dream for more, to have better jobs than your currents ones, to have a more secured health care, or a better education. People who are driven in their work with the right amount of persistence are capable to seek higher level of achievements and successes in America. As one of my interviewees responded "coming to America gave me a chance to see more in life...Back at home, I never even knew I had a cup to fill. But now, I have a cup and I always see my cup as half empty, about to be filled with more things, regardless what it is--water milk, or anything else."

Opportunities

When asked what they appreciate most in America, all interviewees' responds consist the word "opportunity". It was interesting to see how in their home community's, opportunities were not acknowledged due to their familial values, difference between the power of male versus female, and their culture's short-term time orientation. Throughout their lives in America, the endless opportunities gave them the possibility to security, freedom to become individuals and the freedom to reach their personal goals.
Like my interviewees, the American opportunities gave me a reason to dream. If I would have not left Malaysia, I would have completely missed out on the freedom I have to become who I want to be.
In Malaysia, we live in a high context culture. Everything we do is dependent on the norm of the society. Everything is done collectively, and there is no special treatment to individualistic behaviors. There is no room for the free spirited dreamers. So, for the ones who are passionate for more cannot function happily in a high context culture. There is no goal to reach, and no glass to fill. They easily become depressed and lost in the collective society.
America on the other hand is very much a low-context society. The society is dependent on individualistic choices based off of personal ideas and opinions. The freedom of speech and freedom to express grants individuals the opportunity to communicate their ideas with each other no matter how different each idea may be from one another. From household values to academic education, children are taught the skills of "critical thinking" from a very young age. Instead of being spoon fed, individuals in America are taught to make their own decisions and opinions, and come to their own conclusions. They are aware of their capability in achieving goals, no matter where the journey begins, and no matter how low you may be in the class chart. Opportunities are endless; jobs, health care, and education are offered to most of those who are in need of a helping hand. In America, it is essential for people to live out their dreams, as long as they are responsive to the given opportunities.

Self Doubt, Self Pity

I've been realizing lately.
Self doubt is such a selfish thing to do.
It is an excuse that people use to avoid confrontations.
Confronting weaknesses is what I meant.

You allow yourself to doubt,
so you don't have to work harder.
If you don't see hope,
You won't have a better goal,
which might acquire extra effort from you.

Self pity is no different,
the more you feel sorry for yourself,
the less you will work.
Oh poor me,
I am a pitiful creature,
so I deserve some sentiment from the world.
The world is always against me,
no matter how hard I work,
so why keep trying?

Life sucks, and then you die. That's what my boyfriend's mom would always say.

I'm tired of this lifestyle.
I'm a senior now for Christ sake,
haven't I learned anything yet from my past four years of college experience?

Doubting and feeling sorry for yourself is a very tiring task.
Don't even try it, it's not worth your time. Trust me =)

Cabbage Wabbage

Sometimes,

You get caught up in the cloud of doubt.
You worry, and lose sight of how big this world actually is.
You lose hope, and you mop.
You keep moping.
You pull yourself away from the rest.
Further and further you go.
Until no one notices you.
Until you finally hit the wall.

You realize,
you can no longer go any further.
That's it.
What do you?
Sit and wait till your skin begins to wrinkle up
and you shrivel away into the cold misty air?
No one remembers you anyway.
You've been forgotten.

So you just sit there.
And wait till death creeps up on you.
And you die.


Cabbage Wabbage

Things To Do:

-Build a Resume
-Practice more
-Look for more jobs
-Jobs related to major
-Just sing

Attitude:
-Be more confident
-Be excited
-Be happy
-Believe in His will
-Be tough

Cabbage Wabbage

Decisions

I'm getting done with my first Sem of senior year.
It's an interesting feeling, you're not really sure what it is.
You're excited to be done, but you have the feeling of confusion and worry...what next?
Are you ready to be independent.
So, it's pretty much decided now, Evelyn is not going to Grad school.
No Grad School means I need to find jobs for OPT meaning, a real job for my major.

I chose to go against grad school because I knew going into Grad School is just an easy way out. I wouldn't have been ready mentally and emotionally.

It was a smart decision. I don't doubt it a bit.

Anyhow, now, I have to decide on what kind of life style I can afford next year and how much money must I earn this year to prepare me for next year.

Also, its time to start looking for available jobs.
Argh...panicking...

Cabbage Wabbage

bloody hell!!

Woke up this morning and did not feel good at all.
Three heavenly shots of espresso later,
I feel amaaaazing..*smiles in content*

Today's one of those days that seems pretty shitty at first,
but turns out to be a pretty good day. It might still be too early to say this...

Vespers week always feels constipated.
I just wanna get it over with.
I just wanna sing great and not have to go through rehearsals
having finals and papers screaming at the back of my mind.

I really should be working on home work right now,
but decided to watch No Reservation on the Travel Channel instead.
lol.
Procrastinators unite!!!
Confession: I heart Anthony Bourdain...

Cabbage Wabbage

So Stressed

Why?
The needless burdens, you do know that you're only paying for the degree.
College is just a smell of what it'd be like in the real world.

So stressed,
I got papers due in a week.
A research presentation that I haven't even started.
An exam in two weeks.

And work.
to survive.
to eat
to pay off the living cost.


On the lighter note,
Vesper's coming soon this friday and saturday.
I'm sure there are call-tickets available, so if u haven't gotten tickets, you should still go!!!
There are 2 services for each of those days.
5pm or 8pm on friday or saturday.
you make your pick.

Come support Augsburg's choirs and enjoy beautiful music for free (donations are deeply appreciated)!

Cabbage Wabbage

Love life

Maybe loving life is
not about earning
not about gaining earthly stuff
not about taking from the world
not about splurging on materialistic goods
not about having rights
not about status
not about binging
not about being drunk with lust
not about the exterior beauty

maybe loving life is
living life the way it has been given to us
appreciating those that have placed in our lives
giving a lending hand to those who are in need
and accepting the hands that are being lent to you
just be
you
one with the body
one with the planet
Doesn't the very thought that there are so many of us
living on the same planet
with same desire
to be significant
and special
just makes you want to smile to your neighbors?

It makes me smile.
That's one reason why I am still here.

Cabbage Wabbage

Reason...

I'd like to say that life is pointless.
Life is unfair...
Life is out of our control.
When one leaves us in such a sudden,
it is easy to ask "why live?"

But look around.
We are all still here.
There must be a point to all of this.
Otherwise, there won't be this many of us.
Look around,
we are still here on earth.
There must be a reason why we are still breathing...

There must be a reason.
There must be.

Cabbage Wabbage

Once again, I am caught off guard

To Katie Wiltgen..
How precious your life had been on earth.
We only wish we could keep you with us a little longer.
But I guess every life must die someday.
And yours ended too soon for me to comprehend.

You are cherished...
You will be remembered...
Your smiles, your whines, your yellings, your voice, your laughter, your cheer, your sweetness, and your suffering...
you were who you were,
you've lived out what you were given...

Thank you, Katie for all that you've given to us.

Cabbage Wabbage

Puts a Smile on my Face!

Childhood memory from Malaysia...

How fortunate...

As I was studying my music,
I came to realize how fortunate I am to be here.
The opportunity to study something I love.
Music.
How fortunate it is to have the opportunity to read books and stories of these great musicians.
In hopes to become one myself.

How fortunate I am to be educated in my passion.
In my interest.
Instead of studying subjects and materials that I could care less.
How blessed I am
to be inspired,
to be encouraged,
to be lead
by ones who have found their significance and calling in life.

Cabbage Wabbage

Cops cause traffic

Today, as we drove down highway 94, I've witnessed with my own eyes how a silly cop car can cause congestion in the high way.
People get so freaked out. If everyone can think practically about the laws and policies, then everyone can understand the purpose and the point behind the creation of these rules.
Really, they are there to make sure that people are responsible and safe.
The speed limit, lanes, signal blinkers, merging ethics, etc are made so that stupid people can be aware and alert of their safety on road.
They are not made so that the police can ticket you whenever they want. And you should be safe on the road at all times, not just when the po-po's around, sillies!

Cabbage Wabbage

My New Role Model

Kathleen Ferrier

Individualism or Selfishism?

We have needs, and our needs are always the top priority. I deserve the attention, and I am oh so important. All the words that come out of my mouth is significant. I know everything, so I'm always right. Oh by the way, you're wrong. You may think you're smart, but I'm smarter.

me me me mememememememe.
*barf*

No matter how grateful I am with the fact that Augsburg tries to be open and accepting to diversity, I can see how humanity's down fall can still come in the way of good intentions.
The need to be open minded and accepting is expected in this community, that the conservatives, "religious", and "strong opinionated" people are easily frowned upon.
So you think you're better just because you can be so open and accepting to diversity? you should think twice. Maybe try studying abroad through our exchange student programs. That'll probably teach you better ways to live what you preach.

love,
Cabbage Wabbage

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

After 4 years of college, I've come to realize how great sleep is.
I have also learned that No sleep = No brain power = Horrible performances = Bad grades.

I did my research and found this. Short-term effects of sleep deprivation:
* Decreased Performance and Alertness
* Memory and Cognitive Impairment: Decrease your ability to think and process information.
* Stress Relationships: moodiness, conflicts
* Poor Quality of Life: unable to participate in certain activities that require sustained attention
* Occupational Injury: higher risk of sustaining an occupational injury.
* Automobile Injury: Each year drowsy driving is responsible for at least 100,000 automobile crashes, 71,000 injuries, and 1,550 fatalities.

Maybe I should send this information to my professors.

Cabbage Wabbage

Sick Again

Hello!
It is finally Thursday.
Woke up early this morning, about to get ready..I swallowed my first gulp of water of the day.
Only to find out that I have a sore throat.

Then my body just kinda went down hill from there on.
Why do I always get sick when I'm being the most cautious with my body?
I've hardly partied. I've been working out. Trying to eat the healthiest I can. Getting sleep....
What have I done wrong to deserve this cold???
Then, I realized. I was out camping in the woods when it was under 30. OH yea!

Nice, Evelyn...nice!

Note: No more camping when it's below 30 out.

Cabbage Wabbage

Anxious

Do you know the feeling that you get when you know you're suppose to be doing something else right now instead sitting in front of the computer blogging about how you're suppose to be doing something else right now?
Yeap! That feeling.
You know you have tons to do on your list, but you've decided to do something that is the least important because you know you can do it without going through the stress.
But guess what? It's only causing you more stress, because the more urgent tasks are screaming and banging at the back of your head!
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Seriously...

Anyhow, I justify my procrastination by arguing that I am getting paid to post this entry. And I am just about to make myself a to-do-list on this entry.

So here we go:
1) Outline for Keystone Presentation
-What does it mean to be a citizen?
-What am a citizen of?
-Study on libertarian vs. communitarian
-Find sources for my understanding on citizenship
2) Run through Sir John In Love with music
3) Search for recordings on Bernstein's "Two Love Songs"
3) Plan Thanksgiving break (Kate/ Yeeling)
4) Plan Christmas break (Kate/ Yeeling)
5) Search potential jobs for OPT
6) Search Cars for Courage

Oh yea, laundry's about ready for the dryer!!!
Ah...I can NEVER get to what I need to do!!!

Cabbage Wabbage

Trees

What I've learned about trees:
Never to rush
Trust in your roots
Trust in the grounds you're on
Appreciate the time you have alive
Trees did not choose to be here either
But they are
And they just be
And they just do what they're meant to do
Even trees would fulfill their responsibilities in their existence
Most of them have lived and can live a long life
Patience
Trees have processes too
Always reaching for the sky
But never losing the ground
They come in different features
SO unique.

You may not appreciate trees as much.
I happen to find comfort in learning these.
The trees and nature as a whole, they have taught me to see life from a new perspective.

I can't wait to return to where I belong once again.

Cabbage Wabbage

Camping

This weekend, I had a chance to go camping with my lovely boyfriend up in Jay Cooke State Park.

It was silly to go at such a climate, but it was lovely despite the weather.

I will take whatever chance to get away from Augsburg campus at a time like this.
High stress. The semester's winding down so we know what that means.
Professors are starting to realize how behind they are, and are currently stuffing students' faces with piles of homework and papers.

Ah, I love it when the sun light hits the colors of Augsburg campus.

It's delightful. Ten o'clock in the mornings--my favorite time of the day.
Nothing should be rushed at this hour. The sun's normally shining bright, and most people are usually feeling awake and refreshed at this hour.

I am so glad to have a weekend of no worries. I will forever remember how the trees calmed me and taught me new ways of life.

God's creation is truly great and marvelous.

Everything has a purpose and reason to live on earth.

Honest, no lie!

Cabbage Wabbage

New Piece

Liebestraum by Franz Liszt, Performer: Rubinstein

Cabbage Wabbage

Practicing

Did not do too well in the practice rooms today.
I find it interesting how horrible practicing sessions may evolve into two different ways. You either find your focus and center yourself throughout the session, or you'll become a confused ball of anger and end up blasting yourself into pieces.
Well, that was me yesterday. I got angry. And my body was not happy by the end of the hour.
We'll have to find a better way to deal with bad days in the practices rooms next time.

SO, I'm having lunch with Aimee K. Bryant today.
With her recent CD debut, Becoming, her voice is apparently "silk and sandpaper: smooth and sweet enough to make you think you could be listening to an angel, with a touch of grit that brings you back to the street."

I don't know what a sand paper voice sounds like, so listening to her at chapel will be interesting.

Homework time!

Cabbage Wabbage

The Fun of Registration

Finally time to register.
My final semester.
How do I feel?
Hmm I don't know...extremely EXCITED!!!
Yes, so it looks like I will not have much to do in the music scene next semester.

A whole semester of just non-music courses,
and voice and piano lessons.
That sounds sooo fun!!

People have been skipping class more often these days.
It's time for a break, don't u think?
I can't believe I'm registering for classes already..

Cabbage Wabbage

Strayed

From all that I've grown up to believe.
All that I thought I've seen.
Everything that my parents have taught me
the teachers and leaders of my country...

Stripped from myself
my joy, my feet, my land.

Why have I not seen this?
Is it pride that has lead me to think of such?
When we sing of the blood poured unto the grounds of this state...
for our sake,
for justice's sake,
for God's will,
how did we not learn to appreciate such a gift?
And now we burn the very grounds that were fought for us.
we belong to this land.
we live on this land.
we breathe on this land.
we find joy in this land.
So why are we destroying this land?

This thing they call citizenship,
I did not know this before,
but it is active.
it lives, it burns, it kills, it fights, it dies, and it revives...
but we do not see its moves.

for we are distracted...
strayed...
from the "important" issues in life.

Cabbage Wabbage

Malaysia's National Anthem

Literal Translation:



My country, the land where my blood is spilt,
The people live united and progressive,
Blessings of happiness, may God grant,
(And that) our King may reign in peace.
Blessings of happiness, may God grant,
(And that) our King may reign in peace.

Rukun Negara (National Principles)

BAHAWASANYA NEGARA KITA MALAYSIA mendukung cita-cita hendak :

* mencapai perpaduan yang lebih erat di kalangan seluruh masyarakatnya ;
* memelihara satu cara hidup demokratik ;
* mencipta satu masyarakat adil di mana kemakmuran Negara akan dapat dinikmati bersama secara adil dan saksama ;
* menjamin satu cara liberal terhadap tradisi-tradisi kebudayaannya yang kaya dan berbagai corak ; dan
* membina satu masyarakat progresif yang akan menggunakan sains dan teknologi moden.

MAKA KAMI, rakyat Malaysia, berikrar akan menumpukan seluruh tenaga dan usaha kami untuk mencapai cita-cita tersebut berdasarkan atas prinsip-prinsip yang berikut :

* KEPERCAYAAN KEPADA TUHAN
* KESETIAAN KEPADA RAJA DAN NEGARA
* KELUHURAN PERLEMBAGAAN
* KEDAULATAN UNDANG-UNDANG
* KESOPANAN DAN KESUSILAAN

Literal Translation:

WHEREAS OUR COUNTRY MALAYSIA nurtures the ambitions of:

* achieving a more perfect unity amongst the whole of her society;
* preserving a democratic way of life;
* creating a just society where the prosperity of the country can be enjoyed together in a fair and equitable manner;
* guaranteeing a liberal approach towards her rich and varied cultural traditions; and
* building a progressive society that will make use of science and modern technology.

NOW THEREFORE WE, the people of Malaysia, pledge to concentrate the whole of our energy and efforts to achieve these ambitions based on the following principles:

* BELIEF IN GOD
* LOYALTY TO KING AND COUNTRY
* THE SUPREMACY OF THE CONSTITUTION
* THE RULE OF LAW
* COURTESY AND MORALITY

Start Your Day

...With some Pavarotti love

Hope

So it's decided.
Obama. Hope for the world?
I don't know, I am still processing this whole political issues.
I have never exposed myself too much to the world news.
But lately, I feel like I'm starting to see more of what I agree and disagree with the ways of the world.

I will not discuss my views on politics here, it's too overstated.
I am just excited to get the faces of Obama off the walls of Augsburg.
It was getting a lil' too creepy and much.
People started to notice things like his lips are blue and such...

Well, hope everyone is well.
The weather's changing and Augsburg squirrels are getting more and more desperate and demanding by day.

With love,
Cabbage Wabbage

Plagiarized short bread coookies fell through

So, I didn't exactly follow my initial plan for the shortbread cookies.
I did not have powdered sugar, and with the budget I have as a college student I refuse to purchase a pound of powdered sugar just to make short bread cookies, so I ended up using granulated sugar.
Anyhow, this is the recipe that I improvised on my own.

2 cups of flour
1 1/2 cups of butter
3/4 cup of sugar
1/4 tsp of baking powder
1/4 tsp of salt
2 tbs of ground coffee (preferably dark roast)
3/4 tsp of vanilla extract

Mix melted butter, sugar, salt, vanilla extract, and baking powder in a bowl.
Slowly add flour to the mix, and finally the ground coffee.

YUMMMM! They're so good. Not too sweet and perfect to have with coffee. =)

It's just Monday. This will be an exciting week.

Cabbage Wabbage

Second Try

Okay, so I guess the first try didn't work too well.
Here's another performance of the nocturne that I am learning.
This one's really good too. Too bad Horowitz's performance didn't last too long.


Cabbage Wabbage

Learned

The trick to great performances is the ability to be true to the music.
You know you are a musician when you just do music.

Over and over,
we allow
jealousy
greed
pride
prejudice
criticisms
numbers
specifics
rights
wrongs
carefulness

What is this...?
Is not creativity something yet to be?
Or the discovery of something new?

Everything is in harmony when everything is true.
It is sad to see what our world has become.
So lied. So mislead.
And maybe it is bound to happen.
So one day, we may untangle the truths.
There will be no need for masks.
No lies.
Just real you and me.

Correct?
Fuck with correct.
We shall speak whatever that comes to mind.
And Correct will be gone
and may finally come to life.


Cabbage Wabbage

Mocha Shortbread Cookies

Goodness Gracious! Sweet mother of COOOOKKIIESS!!
I've had the best tasting cookies today and they were not chewy.
And my aim is to bake some this week. =)

And now I shall plagiarize from (http://www.joyofbaking.com/shortbreads/MochaShortbread.html)

1 1/2 cups (195 grams) confectioners
(powdered or icing) sugar
3/4 cup (60 grams) Dutch-processed cocoa powder
2 1/4 cups (315 grams) all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons (25 grams) cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups (340 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons (6 grams) pure vanilla extract
2 tablespoons (8 grams) instant espresso powder

In the bowl of your electric mixer (or with a hand mixer), cream the butter until smooth (about one minute). Add the sugar and cocoa mixture and beat until fully incorporated (about 2 minutes). Add the vanilla and espresso powder and beat until incorporated. Then add the flour mixture to the butter mixture and beat until the dough just comes together.
Spread the dough over the bottom of the prepared pan and gently press the dough, with your fingertips or the back of a spoon, to form an even layer. Then, with a sharp knife, score the top of the shortbread into approximately 3 inch x 1 inch (7 x 2.54 cm) fingers. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, or until the top is dry and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove from the oven and place on a wire rack to cool. While the shortbread is still warm, re-cut the shortbread into fingers. Cool completely before removing from pan.

OUUUUUU!!! This is gonna be exciting...

Cabbage Wabbage

Chopin Nocturne in F Minor

Also, if you were curious, this is the piece I am currently working on.
Horowitz is another pianist that everyone on earth must know of. If you don't know him, shame on you. And you need to start educating yourself!


Cabbage Wabbage

Speechless...

Just watch and listen. Can a performer be anymore sincere?



My favorite pianist of today. Very gentle touch, flexible, and true to the music.
It's just him and the music, nothing to show, but everything to give.

Only a few have that. Can never be taught, but can only be discovered by the musician himself.

Yevgeny Sudbin. I shall have tea with you someday.

Cabbage Wabbage

Augsburg

I am definitely appreciating Augsburg a lot more this year.
My life as an international student is finally reaching some sort of climax this year.
My identity.
I have never seen the importance of citizenship.
What it has meant to me all along.
What does it mean to be a Malaysian citizen living in an American community.
It is interesting.
What do I appreciate most living in an American country?
What sort of opportunity?
How different is my life here in comparison to my life in Malaysia?
How have my view and values changed in the past seven years?

Cabbage Wabbage

My Need for Organization

I need to get my life organized. I've been telling myself since the beginning of school. But never got to it.
So guys, here we are. Middle of the semester.
Has anyone learned anything about themselves yet?
Have you gotten your money's worth?
Coz I sure have.

Honestly, college is not about education. It is about experiences, choices, and relationships.
We are paying for the degree. That's all.

Time to consider what I would like to do with my life for the next 5 year.

Take care everyone.
Let's hope I can survive this week.

Cabbage Wabbage

Untitled

The mountains call on me,
Echoing across the ocean,
for me to come home...
Where is home?

Ok...

Maybe I was a lil too big of an over achiever.
Lately, I've been 2nd guessing everything that I've piled on my plate for this semester.
Outcome:
1)I'm tired
2)I'm almost sick
3)I don't have time to hang out
4)I don't have time to practice what I want to
5)I'm frustrated
6)Fire's blasting out my butt!!!

lol..anyways, so I've made a couple decisions to help myself.

1) Withdraw from my recital
2) Quit one of my jobs
3) Smile more often
4) Revisit my spiritual growth
5) Meditate
6) Workout more often
7) Stop worrying..(this one's the hardest to get through)

Hope you sweets are doing well!

Cabbage Wabbage

Tough Weeks! Tough year!!! Oi....

Papers after Tests after Exams after Papers....Fuh...
It's been pretty rough.

Hope everyone is doing well.
I've finally turned in my happiness paper.
And I will post it up sometime today.

The leaves are finally turning yellow, orange and red.
I may wanna take my recital pic sometimes this week.
Or go apple picking instead =)

Anyhow,
Hope all is well.

I have so many upcoming singing events. I will post the dates up soon.

Cabbage Wabbage

Failure leads to melancholy....

Which leads us right into avoidance of the risk to fail again.
So we begin investing all our energy and focus into a different/unchallenged/easier task.
By doing this, we will never realize the amount of potential that lies within each of us.

We may also be lead into anger and resentment towards the world.
We blame it all on (fate), the (punished) lives, the (unjust) God.

Anger and resentment towards the world does not give you an excuse to avoid yourself.

"Anxiety and fear of failure are often the source of self condemnation and the disapproval of others, both of which are severe blows to a self-worth based on personal success and approval. If failure is great enough or occurs often enough, it can harden into a negative self-concept in which we will expect to fail and virtually every endeavor. This negative self-concept perpetuates itself and lads to a downward spiral of anxiety about our performance and fear of disapproval from others."
-Robert McGee

More to come...

Cabbage Wabbage

Continued...

When you turn the search into a game of hunt,
it can easily detract you from the bigger picture.

I've always been a big dreamer.
When I was young, I would pray that
God would "make me someone great. That I may be used to glorify His name."
It is so easy to get caught up in the game.
Your goal is the "happiness".
So you set strategies that could help you reach your goal.

The bigger perfectionist you are,
The bigger your dreams are,
and the higher your standards will be,
The harder you will have to work.
And when your standards are up high,
Bigger are your chances to fail.
And when you invest so much
becoming that perfectly happy and accomplished person,
all it takes is one failure to pull you back down to the dumps.

Cabbage Wabbage

Maybe happiness is...

Not about getting something.
It is not about accomplishments by itself.
It is not about materials.
It is not about power.
It is not about earnings.

And maybe (just maybe), it is not about pursuing happiness.
And maybe (just maybe), it is about searching for significance.
Once you understand how significant you are in this world,
you become happy.

Your desire to be someone
loved, good, helpful, influential, remembered,

Someone significant.


Cabbage Wabbage

Letter to the Night mouth guard company =)

To Whom It May Concern:

A couple weeks ago, I purchased ____ Night Guard not knowing that I have pre-TMJ symptoms. The morning after I tried it on, my jaw was extremely tense to the point where I could not open my mouth wide.
Now, I am writing to request for a full refund on my guaranteed fit night guard.

Thank you for your time and service.

Sincerely,


HAHAHA....yea, so I could not open my mouth the day after. It was probably one of the scariest days of my life.
Oh, you can't even imagine how painful it was. It clicked super loud before I could actually say AAAHHH!
It took two days to loosen up..
Yea scary. Not gonna try one of those things ever again.

Happy October guys!
30 more days till Halloween!!! YAY!

Cabbage Wabbage

The Magic Flute

Our Queen has heard your anxious plea,
at her command I set you free,
(Now Papageno's free to chatter)
No lying! That's a serious matter!
(I'll never tell another lie)
This padlock warns you not to try.
(This padlock warns me not to try)
This golden padlock warns you not to try.
If lying lips
could all be fettered,
If such a lock could close them tight,
then slander, hate and lies would vanish,
and men would live in love and light,

THEN SLANDER HATE and LIES WOULD VANISH!
and men would live in love and light.

O Prince!
Receive this gift from me!
Our queen bestows it by my hand.
This magic flute she deigns to send you.
In danger's hour it will defend you.
And by this flute great pow'rs are granted,
All human souls can be enchanted,
for those who grieve.
Forget their pain,
and stony hearts grow mild again.

Ah!

Accomplished=Happy?

Something that I've just recently noticed.
I'm extremely happy when I get something accomplished.

Lately, I've been procrastinating in cleaning my room.
Fall's finally here, and I've decided to dedicate today for house cleaning.
New decorations, putting away summer clothes, arranging my winter jackets and coats, hats, gloves, mittens, scarfs...and recycling old papers (it's amazing how much paper one can go through in a month).

Now that my room is clean, I get the feeling of satisfaction.
I've accomplished something.
It feels good.
I don't necessarily feel like I'm high on ecstasy.
But it definitely feels great to come back to a clean and organized room.

Next goal: Memorizing my scores for tomorrow.

Cabbage Wabbage

Need Vs. Want

Your decisions are mostly based on your ability to differentiate things that you need versus things that you want.
Your temporary desires--fleeting desires, momentary, an escape from reality...
Your lifelong needs--health, a balanced center, wisdom, at peace with your life, relationship, family, religion...

Before you purchase something, before you head out to hunt, know if it is something you want or need.
Are you pursuing your target for the sake of the game of hunting?
Or are you actually in need of your hunt?

Are you purchasing necessity?
Would you have purchased it if it was never made available to you?

Cabbage Wabbage

I have a problem

I can't write the paper.
I'm thinking too hard.

Why has there not been anyone who could figure out the trick to happiness?
I don't believe that no one has figured out how.
I think all the ones that were able to find happiness in life do not just sit around and question endlessly about ways to pursuit their happiness.

I say this because I know.
I question.
Trying my best to understand every single angle of my life to the point where I can no longer see life as a whole.
Not only that, I also begin to notice every imperfection in the different angles.
Life must be lived as a whole.

I'm starting to understand that a lil more now.

Cool...

Cabbage Wabbage

Calculate Happiness

Does....

Endless music+soul mate+money+citizenship+time+intelligence+friends+passion+
friendlier world+great job+hobbies+health+nature+travels+endless seafood+no dead lines+no bad memories+no abuse+house+car+free gasoline+weekly shopping sprees+endless access to booze+no school+no academia+no grades+no qualification+no snack food

equal to

Happiness?

Yea, I know there can be more in the list.
Interesting how the list slowly moved toward "no", instead of naming the things that could make me happy, I began naming things that weren't making me happy.

Sometimes people can be easily caught up with the things that they are unhappy about, and wish that they've never had to deal with them.
So all throughout their lives, their life long goal is to find ways to avoid things that will make them unhappy.
They get so anal about avoiding the thorns of the roses,
that they forget to enjoy the smell of roses.
Life is no longer a pursuit to their happiness.
It becomes the quest to flee from unhappiness.

Cabbage Wabbage

That place.

I'm there again.
Wordless.
In confusion.
In doubt.

See, I'm trying to write a paper on this happiness course.
Trying to understand what matters most to me.
But I can't seem to put my finger on anything.

It's a very vague feeling.
Numb...it's a strong feeling, but you don't know what it is.
Something's bothering you.
But everything around you is all sweet and dandy.
Life is good.

I tell myself over and over.

Or is it?
Feels like I got too caught with the routine of how life goes.
I forgot to stop and smell the roses.

That reminds me. Chris Rice.
I should play his music sometime.

When you forget why you do what you do,
nothing really matters.
What sucks is that feeling
like there's no way out.
You're stuck in doing something that you don't really wanna do.

I know that's not true.
I can always change how things are in my life.
It's my decision.
But that groggy feeling just dreads you down so low sometimes,
you really have no motivation to find a solution.

Anyways,
gotta get that paper done somehow huh?

RIGHT!

Cabbage Wabbage

Happiness?

Desire
Hobby
Passion
Fate
Stoicism
Rationale
Sustained
Fleeting
Epicureans
Indulge in your senses
The greater good
temporary satisfaction
Virtuous
Morals
Religion
God?
Trained
Discipline
Poverty
Humility
Blessed
Pleasure
Pain
Melancholy
Balance
Ying and Yang
Foolishness
To pursuit?
Faith?
Sin?
Original sin?
Innocence
God's favor


More to come...

NOTE: Very Important Moment in My Life

I have just quit a job.
It's a very interesting feeling. I know this means smaller income, but that job was a pain in the butt.
Never again will I try to get a job singing in the choir. My voice does not belong to a choir, and I should know better the next time.

I hate saying no to people.
I always end up considering their side of the story
and forget completely about myself.
I compromise, and I forget.
Then I get confused.
Conflicted.
Stuck in doing something that I'd rather not.

Anyhow,
Good week. Now I just have to get back to studying and be an accomplished college student *HAH!*

Cabbage Wabbage

Happiness Again...

I get really happy when I'm doing something that I am passionate about(mainly music).

Did I choose my passions?
Personally, my answer is No.
And maybe I did at some point when I was a kid, but I really don't recall that moment.
So,
what if a person has that same kinda passion for music,
but has never been and will never be exposed to music until the day he dies.

Will he ever be happy in anything that he does in life?
Granted everyone is passionate about more than one thing in life.
But if music is his main source,
and he was never and will never be introduced to music,
Will he die unsatisfied?
(Not knowing why he is unsatisfied).

Do our lives evolve around our passion naturally?
Like me and music.
I have been given the opportunity to be musically educated since I was 6.
And it just so happens that music is my passion.

Does everyone get this same kind of privilege in life?
Or am I considered lucky/blessed?

Cabbage Wabbage

Happy Sunday!

It's been a grand week...
A few things:
1) After a horrible day singing in the church choir, I've decided that the end of my college life will mark the end of my choral career. I hate being and singing in choirs. I will never fit in. Nothing against choirs, but I am ready to be done. This leads to item...
2) I will never be chorus girl. I have decided that there will be no compromise, my first role in an opera production will be a lead role no matter what.
3) I have so much to work on as an opera singer. I've learned and seen so many new things in my journey as a singer this week. (thank you Giovanni, I will be forever grateful to you)
4) I have to start keeping my eyes out for more kind people and musicians like the ones I've met this week.


It's finally sunny out. I've been waiting for you Monsieur sun!!!

Cabbage Wabbage

Il Trovatore

Thanks to the Fenlasons, I had the opportunity to attend an opera in the Ordway last night.
The orchestra and lead singers did such successful job musically.
But can I just tell you how much the stage production sucked. It was distracting and funny in very inappropriate moments.
And the chorus, good God, just because you have a smaller role in an opera doesn't mean that you have the right to careless about Verdi's composition.

Dissapointing...
It is very disturbing to see what opera productions are turning into.
But I must not expect less out of myself.

Cabbage Wabbage

My God....

How is it that people can end up looking so sulky?
Their cheeks drooping downward,
eyes wrinkling on the sides,
and lips that look like they've been dead since the 80's.

Seriously,
instead of yoga and pilate,
they should start offering smiling classes.

Cabbage Wabbage

I am an Old Fart

I have a confession to make...
I enjoy hanging out with grandmas.
Yea that's right!
I've said it! Watcha gonna do?

Anyways,
so in church today,
I was singing happily away with the choir.
UNTIL...
He (the choir director) started givin me the finger.
Yes, you know the finger that keeps pointing upward,
signaling that my singing was flat.

GOD!!!
I swear if he gives me that finger again...

This is the 3rd Sunday in a row.
It's either the choir director has a problem with me
or my voice does not fit that whole choir scenario.

But there's no way in hell will you ever make me stop my vibrato.

SO yea take that you silly choir director.

....FUH, really had to get that off my chest...

Cabbage Wabbage

Is Life really all about happiness?

Thanks to Honor Seminar,
My mind has been circling around the idea of happiness.
Can happiness ever be obtained?

Is happiness about accepting the true nature of life?
Or is it about striving for something that you're passionate about?
I'm passionate for music,
But if I didn't have to go through this much shit and bumps in life for music,
would I still love it?
Without music, where would I find my motivation to live?
Will I still love music once it becomes a job?

If women are here to give birth and raise the future generations,
would we ever find happiness in becoming working women?
Or would we be happier in the safe decision of becoming house wives?

I know that I would have less stress if I could just let go of my dream of becoming a great opera diva.
I would find myself a fine looking rich man to support me.
Have family, and become a house wife.
I would have the freedom to do what I wish. Go where I want. Have what I want.

But the question is would that be a fulfilling life?
Would that be the life to die for?

I could go on and on....


Cabbage Wabbage

There IS kindness in this world

Everyday,
I will always find one person who is willing to smile warmly and lend a helping hand to me.
Even when I don't deserve it.
May it be a friend, acquaintance or stranger.
They may not be easy to find. But they are there.

This world is not hopeless.
It is not completely evil.
You just have to keep your eyes open.
And be on the look out for yourself and the kind ones out there.

Cabbage Wabbage

Lovely...

But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud,
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globed peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.

Ode on Melancholy by Keats

My love...

Someone wise said this to me a couple weeks ago,
"Oh, but Evelyn, you do have something that you love. You have something that you would passionately serve. Just sing!"

Today, as the choir recessed the church service,
we turned our hymnals to Great is Thy Faithfulness.
I heard Pa and Ma singing right next to me.
I took a deep breath.
And I understood.
Music is everything to me,
and I cannot ask for anything else from God
other than
just music
on earth.
God is faithful.

You may not understand,
You may not agree,
But you don't have to,
because I do.
And you are not me.

Cabbage Wabbage

Assumptions...

They can be wise,
And they may also be clanging symbols.
Sometimes they are just made.
Without any justifications.
Without support.
But definitely with a motive.

The way you see your world is an assumption.
They way you view your friend is also an assumption.
What you think about the people around you.
You may think that I'm depressed--that is also an assumption.
The way you interpret others' writings is an assumption.
What you think college should be about is also an assumption.
You may think that I care, that's an assumption.
You may think that I don't, that's an assumption.
How you think you should live your life is an assumption.
We live by assuming.
We are given the power to do so.
So let's use it a little more wisely, why don't we?

Cabbage Wabbage

My Gift

Your greatest strength is your greatest weakness.
Your greatest weakness is your greatest strength.

In weakness will you find strength.
In strength, is where your weakness beats.

They go hand in hand.
Whether or not you accept it,
this is what you have been given.
You may have your right to choose.
But can you really choose?
Or has it already been decided?

I have decided.
But I've also once decided in a completely different choice.
So if something is not meant to happen,
does your choice really matter?

In the end,
Your choice is whether or not you will accept the fate that has been decided for you.

Cabbage Wabbage

Another One

"That which most vividly stirs the human heart is certainly not the quiet possession of something precious but rather the imperfectly satisfied desire to have it and the continual fear of losing it again."

-Tocqueville

Just an excerpt

"I dine, I play a game of back-gammon, I converse, and am merry with my friends; and when after three or four hours' amusement, I wou'd return to these speculations, they appear so cold and strain'd, and ridiculous, that I cannot find in my heart to enter into them any farther."

A Treatise of Human Nature by Hume

Tangent

That was a long tangent.

I am just worried.
I've been worrying too much these days.
Worried to the point where I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep,
and I've actually spent 20 dollars in Target on a night teeth guard.
I am eager.
Impatient.
And irritated.
I want to know of my future now.

Anyhow,
Hope everyone is having a great week!
Life in Augsburg is getting shorter and shorter by day.

Cabbage Wabbage

I may be opening a can of worms this week...

Everything happens for a reason.
Maybe the trick is not to care too much.
Like the Stoics.
Don't let every single line in the sketch distract you from seeing the sketch as a whole.

What do you love?
What is your purpose?
Why do you exist?

Now these are the true questions.

Do you live struggling to achieve temporary successes and victories--that compliment that you long to hear from your parents, that six digits salary, that house, that car, that position, that game, that friend, that girl, that boy, that dress...
Or do you rather struggle and know that you have lived a fulfilling life and have attained eternal happiness in your life after death?
Why spend your energy and invest our emotions on temporary joys.

I've had enough worries.
Worries that I might not succeed in my temporary goals,
that I might fail...
things might not work out...
The truth is,
Nothing that works out on this planet will last.
People that succeeds in this life--
even philosophers and saints..
They have to leave this place someday.
So why,
Why
Why
do we so desperately seek for the kind of happiness that dies in life.

I am found

In my music.
You spoke.
I haven't been this secure about myself since I don't even though(know) when.
You are my security.
This very morning, you have reigned in my music.
I have found a reason to sing.
Joyfully. Worry-less.
May my restless singing come to an end.
For you have called me.
And for once, I've understood.

Cabbage Wabbage

Conflict and Misery

Everyone has the power to control their reactions to misfortunes.
To be able to control your reactions, you must rationalize. In other words, one must take his time to ponder patiently on his troubles. That is difficult. Emotions are somehow able to react faster than the mind. I don't know if this is true for everybody, but it is for me.
The Stoics believe that in order to find the highest kind of happiness, one must reject all kinds of desire. Cut off the desires in your life, and you will be content--living in a state of happiness.
Emotions are the product of desire. How you want to feel and are currently feeling about a situation--passionate, sad, eager, want, frustration, disappointed, used, angry, embarrassed.
If you are able to recognize the kinds of emotions that you feel, you will be able to take control of them...
To me, true happiness is really not a kind of feeling.
It is to be in a state.
Your ability to see pass everything around you--the good and the bad, and still feel a deep and assuring sense of security and satisfaction about your life. The feeling of "I have done my best", "I've reached for the stars", and "I am grateful for my journey" about life.

...mmm...maybe. I will continue to develop my thoughts on this.

Cabbage Wabbage

Abba,

My body and tongue may not remember You.

But my mind cannot cease to praise You.
It wants to praise you.
For it longs for a purpose.

love,
Your child.

Chopin Nocturne in F Minor

Simple.
A taste of bitter sweet.
Something so melancholy and slow.
Yet it cuts you deep.
A burning passion that drives the melody...
Creepin through your skin.
Pain.
Suspension.
Frustration.
A sigh of relief.
Satisfaction.
And dissatisfaction.

I love it. and I am ready to play.

CB

Exciting Events for This Year

My Senior Recital pieces.
My Honors Keystone class.
My Chamber Music piece by Vaughn Williams.
Voice competitions.
My church choir job.
Vespers. (hopefully solos)
Auditions for Grad School. (must discuss more on this later)
Chopin piano pieces.
Concerto/Aria Competition. (hopefully for both piano and voice)
Saint Sans' Ensemble piece.

Cabbage Wabbage

PROPS! wooottt~~

The one thing that I love about being in this school: The faculty and staff.
I appreciate how they are always so available for students.
You can have lunch and friendly conversations with them outside of class.
They are always so willing to help, to listen, and share their personal experiences.
The best part is they don't treat you like a child-- you are an adult and a professional in their eyes.

Props to Augsburg's faculty and staff!

Cabbage Wabbage

Repertoire

This semester is going to be busy busy busy.
I have to figure out my music for my voice recital, and then pieces to play for piano lessons.
It's exciting but I have a feeling this will be my toughest semester.

For now, I've been working on Bellini and Mahler.
I might have to take a look at Schumann and Faure...

Anyhow, gotta catch up with homework.

Cabbage Wabbage

Sundays

What is it about Sundays that makes you feel like you have all the rights in the world to be lazy?
Kick off your shoes, sit on the couch like a big fat potato and munch on snacks all day long.
Sunday is the day to replenish your strength.
....
Really?
NO. NOT at ALL.
Just as much as you want your Sundays to be the day for rest, reality's banging on your head--screaming "DREAM ON" right into your ears.
Homework loads, grocery, laundry, planning, practicing, music searching. Yes, everything that I would've loved to be done with during the week gets pushed and squeezed right into my Sundays. Rush, rush , rush! Hurry, hurry, hurry! I'm just about to get a heart attack!

Someday, I should wish upon a star for the Sundays that I have been dreaming of ever since my first year of college.
Yes...that would be lovely!

Cabbage Wabbage

Honors Keystone

I'm loving my class.
I know some might think that it's a total bull shit, but it's actually furthering my perceptions in life.

We are reading Happiness (A History) by McMahon.
Lately, I've been reflecting on my past, comparing it to my present.
I am in complete odds with myself. And this book could not have passed my way at a better time.

I'm beginning to see that happiness comes within my choices.
I've always thought that I was cursed for life. I was born in the wrong family, with the wrong set of talents, mentality, and personality.
I'm not good at math.
I'm not exceptionally intelligent and studious.
I disagree with many of my family's religious standards.
Most of the time, I am unhappy with what I have, and what I have been given by God.
I find life confusing, and it ruptures beyond my control.

This Happy book showed me how I'm not alone.
And it suggests different ways for me to confront my "unhappiness".
It drives me to question more about my pursuit of happiness.

What does "happiness" mean?
Is it when you feel complete as a person?
Is it when you've finally achieved your personal goals?
Is it just a temporary "high"?
Can you make it last?
Or do you only crave for more after each happy moments?
Can you ever reach the purest true sense of happiness?

more to come!!

Cabbage Wabbage

Aviand

Ever since school started, we have received endless complaints.
It is interesting how humans are great at requesting to be accommodated, but are not willing to accommodate.
We demand changes without knowing what we exactly want.
Without understanding the long term goal of the change, no change can ever satisfy any customer.

So, what I'm trying to say here is...
You've asked for the change. And you've got the change.
So stop complaining, because the change has already happened,
And it happened because you asked for it.

Alright, that's all.
Enjoy and have a wonderful day.

Cabbage Wabbage

First Day!!

So far so good.
Many shifts and changes.
But I guess it is the first day. Everyone is trying to understand their own pattern and speed.

It's soo good to see old friends.
But I'm not too sure if I wanna meet anymore new people for this year.
There is a HUGE mob of first year students this year.
Which kills the fun of meeting new folks.

Anyhow,
one more class to go.
Piano lesson with Jill Dawe.
I've heard so much about her, but have never been taught by her ever.
I'm excited!

Cabbage Wabbage

New Semester!

Here we go again. A brand new year.
New goals?
Think context. Think with the end in mind.
Think goal.
Think.
Don't just feel.
Allow rationals.
Be in control.
Be efficient.
Be kind to the world.
Let lose of the grip.
And smile.

Life is good.
Life is too damn short.
So make it great.

Cabbage Wabbage

Maybe...

I look for the best
not because I want to see a better world.
I look for the best
So I may have something to compete to
So I may have something to compare to.
I look for the best
So I may also see the worst..
And that makes me feel good.
I like feeling disappointed in the world
A disappointing world makes me feel special.
It gives me a "purpose" to live.


Cynical.

Cabbage Wabbage

Problems?

I am not a perfectionist.
I am a coward.
Like a homeless man who dies from hunger behind the alley.
Like a filthy rich stock holder who dies in a car crash.
I have problems.
I know my problems.
But I run from them.
Or cry begging them to go away...
or cry begging for more so I can cry some more.

I have this pity fest
where I would find the tiniest problems in life,
blow it up to the point where I can't see anything but that tiny macro dot.
I work my ass off trying to
"understand" the problem a little deeper.
The deeper I go,
the more confused I become.
Then,
I realize that I'm lost.
And I cry.
and cry...
The problem's still there.
and I'm still fucking confused.

still so fucking confused.

Comical. So comical.

Cabbage Wabbage

Complain, complain, complain...

Shoes are not in the rack.
Clothes lay all over.
My hair is all over the sink.
papers are scattered.

I don't like the order of my room.
I feel gross.
The coffee pots are dirty.
When will they ever learn.
The kitchen's floors sticky.
The bath tub's brown.
Do I have to explain it all over again?
Why am I here?
I don't fit in.
I will never fit in.
Because I was made so differently.
I hate how I was made.
I hate my birth date.
Why is it so cloudy today?
Why is it so hot today?
Why is it so sunny?
Oh my GoD! It is way too cold in my room.
That guy cannot play the piano well.
He's so obnoxious.
Why does he have to smoke so much weed?
Why did he had to send me that email.
When will he learn?
Why don't he understand?
Everyone's wrong and I'm right.
Let me teach you.
Let me tell you.
I know it all.
Ew, that's gross!
Omg, she's so loud.
Everyone's so annoying.
So irresponsible.
So unaccountable.
He loves his bikes more.
I don't want the shirt you got for me.
Why do u always make me feel stupid?
You're so messy.
It's so dusty.
It's so unorganized.

Oh my GOD!!! EVELYNN!!!
Why don't you just fucking shut up.
Sometimes,
I can be so annoying....

Cabbage Wabbage

I Hope for the Best

I say that all the time.
I want to see goodness, kindness, improvements.
I want to see the diamond in a stone.
I want to find uniqueness in the ordinaries.

I say that all the time.

Maybe the truth is,
I don't hope for the best.
But I expect for the best.
I find myself constantly disappointed in the ways of the world.
I find myself confused and alone.

Honestly though,
I am just one of them.
I disappoint myself.
Thus my speed in pointing others' flaws.
I complain.

Everything's not right.
Let's all have a pity party,
why don't we?

Cabbage Wabbage

The End or The Beginning

So orientation is over.
URGO has been over.
Paid of fees.
My birthday has passed.

Man, sometimes cruising through life can turn out to be so surreal.
I don't understand it.
Sometimes I get lost.
Wondering about life.
What am I suppose to learn out of life.
How do I find interest in getting to know this world a little more.

How do I move on from the past,
and be consistently excited for the future?
Tomorrow will be a brand new day.
Start over.
Everything that has happened today may or may not be forgotten.
You decide.
or can you?

Cabbage Wabbage

My Birthday

What do I have to say?
Nothing but thanks for all the wishes, singing, smiles, hugs, kisses that I've received.

I'm thankful,
I cannot comprehend the amount of wishes I have received from people all over the world.

but there is one thing that I have yet to receive on this very special day.
A conversation with my parents.
I'm homesick,
again.

I wish to talk to them.
I wish for a loving hug from my mom.
I wish for a jolly smile from my dad.
I wish for motherly pats on the head.
I wish for my parents to hold my hands
and tell me that I'm doing a great job.
that they are proud to have me as their kid in the past 21 years of their lives.

cabbage wabbage

VIP Tasks

Call Luis about the BBQ.
Register for voice lesson.
Pay tuition for next semester.
E-mail Bob Groven about turning URGO into credited research.
Apply for Fall URGO research.
Things to buy:
A post-it board.
A new planner.
Notebooks.
Cookie materials.
Finalize the Scavenger Hunt!
Let Joe know my hours for next week.
OMG!!! I'm losing my mind!!!

YIKES!

High stress, I need to find some organization.
So here we go.
Things to do tonight:
Email IP hosts as well as faculty and staff dinner hosts.
Clean room.
Dry the bed sheets.
Tomorrow:
Work till 12pm.
Be back in the room by 1pm for Laura.
Be gone by 2pm for Jim. Note*** MUST bring Orientation folders, left over folders, phone cards and orientation give aways.
Burn CD and bake cookies for Uncle Nelson!!!

Rewind

Time.
Let's think of the past.
So I use to be horizontally challenged.
And I had a rough childhood because of this.
And for some reason,
I don't seem to have any other vivid memories
besides the hurtful moments when I was teased and made fun of.
I am a product of hurt feelings.
I am a product of other's low self-esteem.
I am a product of relational aggression.

Although I try my best not to hurt others the same way,
I find myself consistently doubting my ability.
My brain has been formatted to think self-criticisms.
My eyes sees myself being great at things.
But my mind can't seem to accept them.

Self-contradicting.
It's weird.
Such paradox in a being
is definitely too much to understand.

Cabbage Wabbage

Worries

Are good. They usually come with good intentions.
You care. You are thinking of.
But when you allow it to extend through your entire life,
you can die worrying just about anything.
ANYTHING.
Anyways, so the truth has been revealing itself lately.
My life is constantly threatened by my worries.
"What ifs" and "I should'ves" and "If onlys".
"I'm a perfectionist" has always been the excuse.
I wanna be ready.
I wanna do well.
I want it to be great.
But the product is never enjoyed.
"It could've been better" is usually what comes to my head first.
Solution: Think context. Think goal. Think priority.
Difficulty level: HIGH

Cabbage Wabbage

Systems

Rules were made to break.
Records were made to break.
Systems were made to improve.
Innocence was made to corrupt.
Evil was made to better.
Goodness was made to worsen.

It's disgusting when the leaders break their own rules.
Exclusive leaders are disgusting.
Where is the justice?
WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?
Some people's kids, seriously!

Cabbage Wabbage

Habit 4 Think Win/Win Characters

Integrity: Identify your values and pro-actively organize and execute around those values on a daily basis, we develop self-awareness and independent will by making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments.
Maturity: is the balance between courage and consideration. The definition of emotional maturity I've ever come across--"the ability to express one's own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others."
The ego strength/ empathy balance, the self confidence/ respect for other balance, the concern for people/concern for tasks balance, the balance of courage/consideration.
People think if you're nice you're not tough. But win/win is nice...and tough. It's twice as tough as win/lose.
You have to be nice, and courageous. Empathetic and confident. Sensitive and brave.
The Abundance Mentality: Instead of thinking competition, and getting to the prize, the Abundance Mentality is the openness that one must have to the the word "success". It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.
Public Victory does not mean victory over other people. It means success in effective interaction that brings mutually beneficial results to everyone involved. Working together, communicating together, making things happen together that even the same people couldn't make things happen by working independently.
If we search deeply withing ourselves--beyond scripting, beyond the learned attitudes and behaviors---the real validation of win/win as well as every other correct principal, is in our own lives.

Dearest Mom and Dad...

I miss you.
Thank you for everything.

Sze Ling

Why do I fear?

Fear of being lost
Fear of loneliness
Fear of betrayal
I Fear of not being it
Fear of not being the one
I fear failures
I fear disasters
I fear diseases
I fear not having a purpose
Who has placed this fear in me?
What had made me fear for my life?
Even the moon and the sun
They know. the only way to fulfill a purpose
is to just light up.
The clouds may come,
Thunders may roar,
Regardless,
they will arrive
and honor their duty.
And we know that they are there.
Because, they are.
Faithfully executing their task...
They have a purpose...
Consistency is a key.
believing and doing.
When the mind and heart agree,
the body does.
So now,
what is there left to fear?
Life is too damn short
to sit in doubt,
and cry in fear.
Life is too damn short.

I am definitely making this...

Classic Peanut Butter Cookies

Submitted by: Shirley Sadler Rated: 5 out of 5 by 458 members

Yields: 24 servings

"Makes great cookies!"

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup unsalted butter 1 cup crunchy peanut butter 1 cup white sugar 1 cup packed brown sugar 2 eggs

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

DIRECTIONS:

1.	Cream together butter, peanut butter and sugars. Beat in eggs.
2.	In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir into batter. Put batter in refrigerator for 1 hour.
3.	Roll into 1 inch balls and put on baking sheets. Flatten each ball with a fork, making a criss-cross pattern. Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F oven for about 10 minutes or until cookies begin to brown. Do not over-bake.

On Campus Tasks

Here we are again. The home of Auggie Eagles!
Getting lost on campus in your first day of class is very common. Not to worry! We are here to help familiarize you to the campus buildings and facilities!
Your task is to take a group picture by each of these buildings.

• Si Melby
• Kennedy Center
• Music Hall
• Foss
• Old main
• Memorial

Final task:
Congratulations for completing your tasks! Now, hurry over to Murphy Park.
Show us the proofs that you've completed your tasks, and collect goodies which we have prepared for you!
See you at the park!

Light Rail Tasks

Metrodome:
Welcome to the Metrodome! Are you a baseball freak? A football fanatic? If you are, this is the place to be! Your task here is to take a SILLY group picture in front of the Metrodome. Everyone must be in the picture, so look around and kindly ask someone to take the picture for you! Good Luck!

Government Plaza:
Welcome to the Hennepin County Gov. Center! Here is the place to obtain various licenses, apply for a passport, obtain birth certs...blah blah blah. Since you guys are all so eager to get into bars, ubs, and clubs without having to worry about losing your passport, your task here is to pick up an application form for your Minnesota state ID. Once you get into the building, find the Service Center locations. Ask around, Minnesotans are known to be really nice!

Lake St:
Welcome to Lake St! Ran out of tooth paste? Need some shampoo and body wash? Craving for some junk food? Or maybe you are just in need to buy a rose for that special someone. You are at the right place for all of those things! Your task here is to get your cute butts into Cub Food and buy a special gift for your dinner hosts tonight with the $10 inserted in the envelope. Discuss and decide as a group! Have fun and be creative!
PS: Look at the map to get to Cub Food

A Life on Your Own

No one around,
no one to share anything with,
It can be great.
No annoyance,
No distraction,
No fight,
No comparison,
You have silence,
You have your own time,
You have your own life.

Yes...
Sounds great huh?
Till you start feeling loneliness,
Too much silence,
No one to enjoy your cooking,
No one to finish that last bite,
You begin annoying yourself,
You begin losing your goals,
Life begins to go against you.
Because, in life,
people are not meant to be lonely beings.
Everything that surrounds you is there for a reason.
There is a reason why they are a part of your life.
And you are a part of their lives.
So, like what I've said in the past.
You and I, we are placed here for each other.
You and I are born to keep each other alive.
To fail,
To survive,
To cry and laugh,
To play,
To sing, dance,
And To live.


Cabbage Wabbage