Let's drive out stupid boys from the face of this planet.
Where is the best place to find cowardly lost boys these days?
The answer is college.
Most college boys are pansies.
They like to think that they know what they're doing. They like to boast. They like to feel great about themselves.
But they are lying to themselves...most the time.
The truth is, I really don't mind stupid boys being stupid. I don't mind their ignorance. I don't mind that they're horny. I don't mind that they are all cowards. I don't mind them being egotistic. I don't mind them getting drunk. I don't mind their obsessions to their "good-looks" which they've worked so hard on getting.
What I do mind though, is the existence of a stupid boy who desires to have a taste of a smart, intelligent, down-to-earth and undeniably beautiful young lady.
SHAME on you, you ugly pig headed scum!
How could a pig like you come to such conclusion that you have the ability and courage to take the heart of a young lady?
What kind of parents is this world breeding? Parents who are breeding the worst kind of boys.
Scums. Sick people.
You are wasting too much time and space on earth.
In the name of LOVE, be gone you ill creatures!
Cabbage Wabbage
Monday, March 31, 2008
Last day of March...
And it is SNOWING!
My room mate concluded that Mother Nature is having her period.
She is currently throwing a round of snow just to spite us, the silly earth folks of Minnesota.
It's good to know that I'm not alone in my girly pains.
Three and a half more days to my recital. And I am sooo behind in all my school work. My professors have been awfully nice to me by giving me extended due dates. They are way too nice.
Cabbage Wabbage
My room mate concluded that Mother Nature is having her period.
She is currently throwing a round of snow just to spite us, the silly earth folks of Minnesota.
It's good to know that I'm not alone in my girly pains.
Three and a half more days to my recital. And I am sooo behind in all my school work. My professors have been awfully nice to me by giving me extended due dates. They are way too nice.
Cabbage Wabbage
Sunday, March 30, 2008
I will Fight the Good Fight!
4 more days to my recital!!
I am PSYCHED and freaking out all at once.
I realized something today.
For a musician, there should be no such thing as reaching perfection in music.
Perfecting music is like putting up walls of limitation to your ability as a musician.
Perfecting music places you as the owner of music--you being in control of the music, which indirectly implies that you are greater than music.
Do you think music needs your approval to be music? Hell no.
Music will always be music even without you.
It is great and we only know so much of its power...
By perfecting it is manipulating it which can only result in distorted beauty.
To answer Jimmy's question, my painting is hung on the bedroom wall of Paul and Linda Sun. They are my sister's in-laws.
Cabbage Wabbage
I am PSYCHED and freaking out all at once.
I realized something today.
For a musician, there should be no such thing as reaching perfection in music.
Perfecting music is like putting up walls of limitation to your ability as a musician.
Perfecting music places you as the owner of music--you being in control of the music, which indirectly implies that you are greater than music.
Do you think music needs your approval to be music? Hell no.
Music will always be music even without you.
It is great and we only know so much of its power...
By perfecting it is manipulating it which can only result in distorted beauty.
To answer Jimmy's question, my painting is hung on the bedroom wall of Paul and Linda Sun. They are my sister's in-laws.
Cabbage Wabbage
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
First day after a week of....
First day of class after my hectic week of recital prep.
It is so easy to get caught up in the list of tasks. You forget completely about who you are.
All the reasonings and passion that you once have behind each of your action water down.
And leaves you the feeling of nothingness, and pointlessness.
You become like a robot, only trying to do all the right things.
Where is your joy?
Is not one born into the world to enjoy life?
To enjoy the gifts?
To enjoy the creations?
There must be a way for me to love life even through its imperfections and challenges...
My mind is filled with anxiety, wondering what today will be like?
A day of discovering how behind I am in my responsibility as a student since I have offered my entire Spring break to my Recital.
Whatever it might be. It will be just another day, another week, another recital out of the entire painting.
I once painted a picture of a great hill. And decided to paint an up-close view of a flower covering half the view of the hill behind it.
Look Beyond was the name of the painting.
Truly, life is meant to be so much simpler than it seems.
Cabbage Wabbage
It is so easy to get caught up in the list of tasks. You forget completely about who you are.
All the reasonings and passion that you once have behind each of your action water down.
And leaves you the feeling of nothingness, and pointlessness.
You become like a robot, only trying to do all the right things.
Where is your joy?
Is not one born into the world to enjoy life?
To enjoy the gifts?
To enjoy the creations?
There must be a way for me to love life even through its imperfections and challenges...
My mind is filled with anxiety, wondering what today will be like?
A day of discovering how behind I am in my responsibility as a student since I have offered my entire Spring break to my Recital.
Whatever it might be. It will be just another day, another week, another recital out of the entire painting.
I once painted a picture of a great hill. And decided to paint an up-close view of a flower covering half the view of the hill behind it.
Look Beyond was the name of the painting.
Truly, life is meant to be so much simpler than it seems.
Cabbage Wabbage
Saturday, March 22, 2008
The Methods of Focusing
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Listen to it.
Take another one...
Deeper than the one before.
Hear it.
And you exhale.
What does your existence reflect upon?
What do you describe?
What color are you?
How do you impact the universe?
BIG and DEEP thoughts that hold your internal substance together.
Now take another breath.
And let go of these thoughts.
Listen to your breath.
What do you have to do now?
What must you accomplish in the next hour?
Focus.
Do not let your worries come in the way.
When you worry too much, you become lazy.
You will want to move away from your tasks...
You are given a brain to think...and a body to do....
Make use of both of them.
Now, take your final inhale...and we exhale...
Godspeed
Cabbage Wabbage
Take a deep breath.
Listen to it.
Take another one...
Deeper than the one before.
Hear it.
And you exhale.
What does your existence reflect upon?
What do you describe?
What color are you?
How do you impact the universe?
BIG and DEEP thoughts that hold your internal substance together.
Now take another breath.
And let go of these thoughts.
Listen to your breath.
What do you have to do now?
What must you accomplish in the next hour?
Focus.
Do not let your worries come in the way.
When you worry too much, you become lazy.
You will want to move away from your tasks...
You are given a brain to think...and a body to do....
Make use of both of them.
Now, take your final inhale...and we exhale...
Godspeed
Cabbage Wabbage
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Trusting Yourself.
You are who you are.
You are your own hero.
You have yourself.
It feels narrow. A thin line, but u must disregard the rest of the world and follow that path forever.
Seek for more understanding.
Explore yourself.
Your mind is greater than what you know of it at this present moment.
Grab a hold of it.and...and...SPRING!
Have compassion on yourself.
Listen to yourself.
Listen carefully.
Smile...You know what to do.
So DO IT!
Cabbage Wabbage
You are your own hero.
You have yourself.
It feels narrow. A thin line, but u must disregard the rest of the world and follow that path forever.
Seek for more understanding.
Explore yourself.
Your mind is greater than what you know of it at this present moment.
Grab a hold of it.and...and...SPRING!
Have compassion on yourself.
Listen to yourself.
Listen carefully.
Smile...You know what to do.
So DO IT!
Cabbage Wabbage
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Diamond Covered in Dirt
Once upon a time,
God decided to bless a married couple with a gift.
Instead of wrapping His gift in present paper, He wrapped it in dirt in a form of a baby.
This gift was meant to teach the couple parenthood.
Once they received their baby girl, their hearts overflowed with joy. Her curious eyes brought them excitement, her tiny chuckles faint their dear souls.
For years and years, the gift kept silent. Like a secret, waiting in suspense behind the curtain walls for its grand entrance.
Time past, challenges fought, memories made...the gift grew as she matured.
It began glowing inside of her. It glowed so hard that
One day, it sparked.
***
No one else was there, it was just the girl and the gift.
What just happened? Did I just felt what I felt?
It was small, but strong.
It most importantly, felt right. Good. I am Content.
God looked at the married couple and said, "Well done, my Beloved. It is good."
Her journey has finally begun.
A gift that the Creator has decided to bury in a pile of dirt is finally beginning to burn.
Will she allow the gift to live and burn the universe in awe, or cover it in her dirt until the fire disappears forever?
--Oksana Bryn
God decided to bless a married couple with a gift.
Instead of wrapping His gift in present paper, He wrapped it in dirt in a form of a baby.
This gift was meant to teach the couple parenthood.
Once they received their baby girl, their hearts overflowed with joy. Her curious eyes brought them excitement, her tiny chuckles faint their dear souls.
For years and years, the gift kept silent. Like a secret, waiting in suspense behind the curtain walls for its grand entrance.
Time past, challenges fought, memories made...the gift grew as she matured.
It began glowing inside of her. It glowed so hard that
One day, it sparked.
***
No one else was there, it was just the girl and the gift.
What just happened? Did I just felt what I felt?
It was small, but strong.
It most importantly, felt right. Good. I am Content.
God looked at the married couple and said, "Well done, my Beloved. It is good."
Her journey has finally begun.
A gift that the Creator has decided to bury in a pile of dirt is finally beginning to burn.
Will she allow the gift to live and burn the universe in awe, or cover it in her dirt until the fire disappears forever?
--Oksana Bryn
Sunday, March 16, 2008
One More Time
Recital after recital.
Today at 1pm I will performing in a recital at Mac Phail Center for Music.
How will this go? I do not know, but I will do my best in focusing on my music.
Being a musician is awfully challenging. Your job is to create beautiful music for the world. But it is a part of human nature, especially for people pleaser's to allow judgments, criticisms and self-consciousness to get in the way of things.
I find myself pulling away from a good performance as I begin to lose my focus on the beauty of music. It's easy to be consumed by thoughts like, "Do they like my voice?", "Am I too loud?", "Am I flat?", " Why is she yawning?", " Omg, he rolled his eyes!"....
Thus, today, I must live according to what I believe is true. I would like to enjoy exploring the wonders of a vocal chord, my vocal chord to be particular.
Understood.
Cabbage Wabbage
Today at 1pm I will performing in a recital at Mac Phail Center for Music.
How will this go? I do not know, but I will do my best in focusing on my music.
Being a musician is awfully challenging. Your job is to create beautiful music for the world. But it is a part of human nature, especially for people pleaser's to allow judgments, criticisms and self-consciousness to get in the way of things.
I find myself pulling away from a good performance as I begin to lose my focus on the beauty of music. It's easy to be consumed by thoughts like, "Do they like my voice?", "Am I too loud?", "Am I flat?", " Why is she yawning?", " Omg, he rolled his eyes!"....
Thus, today, I must live according to what I believe is true. I would like to enjoy exploring the wonders of a vocal chord, my vocal chord to be particular.
Understood.
Cabbage Wabbage
Saturday, March 15, 2008
My Faith
I have yet gotten a chance to speak of my faith.
I have thought about dedicating an entry for God, but it seems like a rather ambiguous topic for me to touch on.
Music music music... That seems to be everything that I am ever able to speak of.
The truth is, I believe that there is something more powerful than music.
Music is just so speechlessly breath taking, who can deny the fact that there must be a Creator (somewhere out there) who planned and crafted this Music.
All I have been doing and will be doing for the rest of my life is playing Scavenger Hunt.
Shame on the conceited ones that credit themselves for the music that they make. Their attributions to Music are no different from their static instrument.
The Creator has dispersed the music unto the living earth and I am but a living creature eagerly seeking for "the precious".
Yes, that is all I can offer.
Cabbage Wabbage
I have thought about dedicating an entry for God, but it seems like a rather ambiguous topic for me to touch on.
Music music music... That seems to be everything that I am ever able to speak of.
The truth is, I believe that there is something more powerful than music.
Music is just so speechlessly breath taking, who can deny the fact that there must be a Creator (somewhere out there) who planned and crafted this Music.
All I have been doing and will be doing for the rest of my life is playing Scavenger Hunt.
Shame on the conceited ones that credit themselves for the music that they make. Their attributions to Music are no different from their static instrument.
The Creator has dispersed the music unto the living earth and I am but a living creature eagerly seeking for "the precious".
Yes, that is all I can offer.
Cabbage Wabbage
I Screwed Up November and December
I'm beginning to regret the ways I've spent my past three months.
I have not given myself enough time to prepare for this recital.
Doubts running through my mind.
Worrying...I'm worrying again.
STOP!
I must sing. I am born to sing.
I just need to find my center. The core of where I belong. The universe in which I belong.
My universe is constructed by sounding musical notes.
I will go anywhere the music takes me.
OH the joy in singing what I believe feels right.
Do u know that feeling--the feeling you get when u know you're doing what ur suppose to and your insides tingles at how right it feels?
Yes I must remember this until the day of my recital...I must...This is how much I love making music...
Cabbage Wabbage
I have not given myself enough time to prepare for this recital.
Doubts running through my mind.
Worrying...I'm worrying again.
STOP!
I must sing. I am born to sing.
I just need to find my center. The core of where I belong. The universe in which I belong.
My universe is constructed by sounding musical notes.
I will go anywhere the music takes me.
OH the joy in singing what I believe feels right.
Do u know that feeling--the feeling you get when u know you're doing what ur suppose to and your insides tingles at how right it feels?
Yes I must remember this until the day of my recital...I must...This is how much I love making music...
Cabbage Wabbage
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Coming Soon....
I never thought that it was earthly possible for a 20 year-old college student to practice 6 hours everyday.
But time's ticking, and the sand's running low. I have no other choice but to whip my ass and put myself to work like a crazy horse.
One at a time.
I've decided to take a break from questioning...temporarily. I need to put my hands to work instead and actually make use of what I have.
It's a great feeling--being used.
Anyhow, my title actually refers to my upcoming recital.
To my faithful potential fans of classical music readers, you are all welcomed to sit back and relax on
April 3rd, 2008.
8:30pm
In Sateren Hall of Augsburg College.
Featuring Cabbage Wabbage, and a surprise encore to end a magical night of sparkles. =)
Oh, and FOOD!!
Be excited....
Cabbage Wabage
But time's ticking, and the sand's running low. I have no other choice but to whip my ass and put myself to work like a crazy horse.
One at a time.
I've decided to take a break from questioning...temporarily. I need to put my hands to work instead and actually make use of what I have.
It's a great feeling--being used.
Anyhow, my title actually refers to my upcoming recital.
To my faithful potential fans of classical music readers, you are all welcomed to sit back and relax on
April 3rd, 2008.
8:30pm
In Sateren Hall of Augsburg College.
Featuring Cabbage Wabbage, and a surprise encore to end a magical night of sparkles. =)
Oh, and FOOD!!
Be excited....
Cabbage Wabage
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Being Honest
Speak truth to the mirror.
Do not look away.
For what you see is not a lie.
Look a little closer...
Not too close!
Close enough to see your beautiful face.
Maybe a couple zits and blackheads here and there.
Your eyebrows probably need some trimming
DON'T LOOK AWAY JUST YET!
Okay, now you're a lil' too close.
Careful now,
Being selfish is not conceited.
Self obsession, and self pitying over the image in front you can only cause harm
Stop fixing yourself! Stop re-applying your foundation...
over and over and over...
Stand straight. Look at yourself right in the eyes.
You are alright.
Now you're ready to face the world.
Break a Leg!
Cabbage Wabbage
Do not look away.
For what you see is not a lie.
Look a little closer...
Not too close!
Close enough to see your beautiful face.
Maybe a couple zits and blackheads here and there.
Your eyebrows probably need some trimming
DON'T LOOK AWAY JUST YET!
Okay, now you're a lil' too close.
Careful now,
Being selfish is not conceited.
Self obsession, and self pitying over the image in front you can only cause harm
Stop fixing yourself! Stop re-applying your foundation...
over and over and over...
Stand straight. Look at yourself right in the eyes.
You are alright.
Now you're ready to face the world.
Break a Leg!
Cabbage Wabbage
Saturday, March 8, 2008
SO MUCH TO DO!!!
1. Summary Paper for 20th Century Music
2. Paper for Paul the Apostle.
3. Reading for Paul the Apstle
-Complete Romans -Paul and Religious experience(493) -Political Theory(539)
-(108-111) Righteousness of God
4. Research Paper for 20th Century Music
5. Analyze Haydn's London Symphony for Instrumental Conducting
6. RECITAL...which will need a completely new list of task.
....sigh......Good weekend...good weekend....
Cabbage Wabbage
2. Paper for Paul the Apostle.
3. Reading for Paul the Apstle
-Complete Romans -Paul and Religious experience(493) -Political Theory(539)
-(108-111) Righteousness of God
4. Research Paper for 20th Century Music
5. Analyze Haydn's London Symphony for Instrumental Conducting
6. RECITAL...which will need a completely new list of task.
....sigh......Good weekend...good weekend....
Cabbage Wabbage
Thursday, March 6, 2008
A Shelf at a Time
I've realized that I never complete any task/responsibility/activity....
I don't half ass...trust me, I'm a perfectionist.
This is the problem for over-achievers.
We want to do so much with so little time. We cramp them together and end up with a whole bunch of open ended-ness.
Today, I chose to take a break from my 8AM class to center my universe.
Carefully, Cabbage Wabbage made sure that she was patient with herself and allowed herself to do what she needs to.
I must understand that time is longer than how I perceive it. I must never put myself in a hurry position.
I am not in a hurry. What do I need to hurry for? The second coming? The end of the world? My death?
When my day comes, I will die and past away.
As of now, I must prioritize my mess. And organize it a piece at a time.
Please be nice to yourself.
Cabbage Wabbage
I don't half ass...trust me, I'm a perfectionist.
This is the problem for over-achievers.
We want to do so much with so little time. We cramp them together and end up with a whole bunch of open ended-ness.
Today, I chose to take a break from my 8AM class to center my universe.
Carefully, Cabbage Wabbage made sure that she was patient with herself and allowed herself to do what she needs to.
I must understand that time is longer than how I perceive it. I must never put myself in a hurry position.
I am not in a hurry. What do I need to hurry for? The second coming? The end of the world? My death?
When my day comes, I will die and past away.
As of now, I must prioritize my mess. And organize it a piece at a time.
Please be nice to yourself.
Cabbage Wabbage
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Out to In
On Wednesday,
I had my second piano concert. Biggest piece I've played so far.
Debussy's Jardins sous la pluie. Garden in the Rain.
It wasn't my best performance. Couple bloopers here and there. Overall, an avarage performance.
...there is a deep point to this entry.
First of all, let me just say that Mac Phail has the most beautiful piano I've ever layed hands on in my entire life-->Not exaggerating
Each key had such a luscious feel--creating a sound so pure, I shivered.
Such a distracting beauty. I could not focus on my music at all. Yes, I got distracted by the beauty of a piano...I must be going crazy.
Then, something else happened while I was playing.
I transcended into a spiritual zone, which brought my mind out of my body... I could hear and watch myself like a spectator from a far away balcony...my fingers, hands and body were still moving the way they were trained to, but my spirit was not in my body. I literally had to force my way back into the body again.
...I must really be going crazy...
I had my second piano concert. Biggest piece I've played so far.
Debussy's Jardins sous la pluie. Garden in the Rain.
It wasn't my best performance. Couple bloopers here and there. Overall, an avarage performance.
...there is a deep point to this entry.
First of all, let me just say that Mac Phail has the most beautiful piano I've ever layed hands on in my entire life-->Not exaggerating
Each key had such a luscious feel--creating a sound so pure, I shivered.
Such a distracting beauty. I could not focus on my music at all. Yes, I got distracted by the beauty of a piano...I must be going crazy.
Then, something else happened while I was playing.
I transcended into a spiritual zone, which brought my mind out of my body... I could hear and watch myself like a spectator from a far away balcony...my fingers, hands and body were still moving the way they were trained to, but my spirit was not in my body. I literally had to force my way back into the body again.
...I must really be going crazy...
Battles to Love Yourself
Loving What You Do Vs. Accomplishing
Productive Vs. Idle
Energized Vs. Sleep Deprived
Full Vs. Hungry
Quenched Vs. Thirsting
Natural Vs. Unnatural
Unnatural Vs. Natural
Intentional Vs. Accidental
Fuck it, I don't give a shit! VS. Fuck it, what have I got to lose?
Fun Vs. Fear
Centered Vs. Imbalanced
Love Thyself,
Cabbage Wabbage
Productive Vs. Idle
Energized Vs. Sleep Deprived
Full Vs. Hungry
Quenched Vs. Thirsting
Natural Vs. Unnatural
Unnatural Vs. Natural
Intentional Vs. Accidental
Fuck it, I don't give a shit! VS. Fuck it, what have I got to lose?
Fun Vs. Fear
Centered Vs. Imbalanced
Love Thyself,
Cabbage Wabbage
Monday, March 3, 2008
Love, by Tobi
I've been learning a lot about love.
Love is self-control, waiting, permitting another's freedom to choose and to act in their own time and way, holding back your initial reaction, choosing when and when not to express yourself or emotion, doing your part and letting the other person do theirs without pushing them.
Love is self-control.
And self-control is actually a kind of faith – faith that God is more than able to satisfy you and take care of you, faith that God is working in the other person just as He is working in you, faith that the other person is doing their best to grow too.
I have so much growing to do.
Love is self-control, waiting, permitting another's freedom to choose and to act in their own time and way, holding back your initial reaction, choosing when and when not to express yourself or emotion, doing your part and letting the other person do theirs without pushing them.
Love is self-control.
And self-control is actually a kind of faith – faith that God is more than able to satisfy you and take care of you, faith that God is working in the other person just as He is working in you, faith that the other person is doing their best to grow too.
I have so much growing to do.
-Tobi
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Perfectionism
Sometimes, the flesh and the conscience do not like the words from the heart.
There are times when I would feel completely confidence in the things that I'm doing, the decisions that I'm making, and life in general.
Then, I'll run into days when I'll find myself in the dumpster, pitying poor me like a pathetic lil' puppy.
It's tough to be a girl. Menstruation, PMS...all those good stuff...yip!
Females should get a week off from everything each month. That would definitely make this world a better place, wouldn't you agree?
So far, I've had piano lesson and did tons of homework today.
Anticipating a wonderful Concerto concert in the Orchestra Hall tonight! So I better get more work done.
Farewell, for now.....
There are times when I would feel completely confidence in the things that I'm doing, the decisions that I'm making, and life in general.
Then, I'll run into days when I'll find myself in the dumpster, pitying poor me like a pathetic lil' puppy.
It's tough to be a girl. Menstruation, PMS...all those good stuff...yip!
Females should get a week off from everything each month. That would definitely make this world a better place, wouldn't you agree?
So far, I've had piano lesson and did tons of homework today.
Anticipating a wonderful Concerto concert in the Orchestra Hall tonight! So I better get more work done.
Farewell, for now.....
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